Doofy and Doofus
by Freedom Fighter
Summary: A spy organization needs a new agent, and Vanessa's the perfect fit. Vanessa could reject the offer, but does she want to leave the fate of the world up to their other choice, a dumb blonde? Second story in the 'Vanessa's Moral Wars' trilogy.
1. I'm a Spy!, Part 1

**[Prologue]**

_("You know how I keep telling everyone I'm **NOT** evil? It gets harder and harder to convince people every day.")_

A metal door was slammed shut, and Vanessa had a frown on her face as she reached in front of her and grasped the metal bars of the cell.

_("Especially after you get a rap sheet.")_

A police officer walked away, twirling his baton around as he trotted towards the exit. Vanessa groaned as she rested her forehead against the bars.

"I **KNEW** this was all a big mistake!" Vanessa shouted out loud.

She glanced down to look at the form-fitting apricot-colored catsuit she was wearing. But she wasn't upset over the bright color of the outfit, or that she was even wearing a catsuit to begin with. It was why she was wearing it.

"What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?"

Actually, Vanessa changed her mind. The biggest mistake wasn't any of those three things. The biggest mistake... was the fellow 16-year old girl who had been arrested with her. The blonde, pig-tailed, big-chested, teenage girl freaking out behind her, wearing a similar catsuit, but in carnation pink. The girl whom she swore had a brain the size of a pea and the lack of intelligence to go with it. The girl who did nothing but talk about boys, boys, and more boys. In fact, this was the first time in hours that she had said anything that had nothing to do with boys.

This girl... was Vanessa's partner.

"Doofy, Doofy!" she cried, as she turned Vanessa around and grabbed a hold of her by the shoulders. "What are we going to do?"

"First off," Vanessa growled, as she pushed her partner's arms off of her, "stop calling me **DOOFY**! And second... it's your fault we're in this mess! You just **HAD** to set off that alarm, didn't you?"

"Haven't I said 'I'm sorry' enough already?"

"Not nearly enough," Vanessa mumbled under her breath.

The girl started crying even louder, even as she buried her face in her hands and walked away from Vanessa. Vanessa sighed.

_("Tears-a-Plenty Barbie over there is, unfortunately, my partner, Carly Adams-Chrysanthemum-Montgomery-Ward. Yeah... don't ask. Anyway, she and I were on our first unsupervised mission as spies. As you can see, it didn't turn out well.")_

Carly had made her way over to the only bench in the cell, and she laid on it face-down, continuing to cry into its hard, wooden surface.

_("But you're probably wondering... when did we become spies? Heck, I'm wondering why I agreed to be a spy in the first place. That's so **NOT** me. Sad to say, it wasn't exactly my choice.")_

Vanessa heard another door slam shut, this one being the one that led into the area where the cell she and Carly had been put in was.

_("Maybe I should start from the beginning. A few hours, perhaps? Back when I thought this would be another droll and uninteresting day...")_

* * *

**Doofy and Doofus**  
**Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

So, after I promised to deliver a lot of 'I'm Me' Vanessa in my first story with her and failed to live up to my promise, I had to come back with a new tale and try again. Okay, actually, a new, longer Vanessa story was always in the cards regardless of the reception from the first story. Plus, no one can resist seeing the self-proclaimed action double-feature on Friday night!

And admit it... you know Vanessa could totally pull off being a spy. If she wanted to. And she does here. Or... does she?

Based on the events of the episode "Vanessassary Roughness."

**Disclaimer:** The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

**-**  
**Chapter One - I'm a Spy! [Don't Tell Anyone!], Part 1 (09.30.10)**  
**-**

(Doofenshmirtz Evil Daddy Day-Care!  
Is out of business...)

Vanessa was on her cell phone, walking on the sidewalk somewhere in downtown Danville, when she saw a stream of angry parents and all of their upset and crying toddlers exiting from a small store with the sign 'Doofenshmirtz Day-Care' propped up against the glass of the display window. They were followed out by a man in a suit, who hung a smaller sign on the doorknob that read 'Closed by order of the Danville Health Inspector.'

"Uh, Lacey? Lemme call you back in ten."

Vanessa then hung up and sighed in disgust as she headed for the store's front door. But the health inspector tried to stop her.

"You can't go in there, miss! It's a health hazard."

"My dad's a hazard in general," Vanessa explained. "He does this stuff all the time."

"That guy's your father? You poor, poor girl."

The inspector shook his head as he walked towards his car.

_("I promised Mom that I'd go a little easier on Dad.")_

Vanessa reached for the knob and turned it, and the front door of the shop swung open. Given how many times in the past she had walked in on her dead after his evil scheme had been thwarted by his nemesis, Perry the Platypus, she shouldn't be surprised about the carnage that resulted from it anymore.

But even she never expected what she found inside the day-care.

Baby cribs were in so many pieces that the remains could easily be interpreted as a pile of kindling. Vegetables processed into sauces easy for infants to consume were splattered all over... some straight from their jars, but most had obviously was of the regurgitated variety. Piled up in a near corner was a slew of dirty, waste-filled diapers. Some were in the overfilled garbage can, others had been piled up around it... and a swarm of flies was gathering around the stink-pile.

And, in the center of room, was her dad, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, partially buried in baby bottles. A few of them were partially filled with milk, but the rest, presumably, was all over the evil mad scientist's body, dripping from his nose, chin, and fingers and leaving behind a sticky residue on him and his clothes.

_("Funny how promises always seem to get broken.")_

"Vanessa!" Dr. D said with a shock. "Now, I know this looks bad, but..."

Vanessa was going to respond, but quickly realized she had to pinch her nostrils shut with her fingers, as the putrid smell in the room had already begun circulating for some time, and it was making her gag.

"**DAD! THIS IS THE WORST SCHEME YOU'VE EVER PULLED!**"

"It's not my fault!" he tried to explain. "Perry the Platypus was here, and he started throwing babies at me! **BABIES!**"

"I'm sick and tired of this!" Vanessa shouted. "I'm going home!"

"But Vanessa!"

Vanessa exited the shop, slamming the door behind her.

"She's never been this mad at me before! **CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS! YOU'VE REACHED AN ALL-TIME LOW!**"

* * *

The second the door was slammed shut, Vanessa ignored the shouts of her dad cursing his arch-enemy and reached for her cell phone. It didn't take long for to input her mom's number by finger.

"Vanessa?" the teen heard her mom's voice on the other end.

"Mom, Mom, you've got to come quick!"

Her mom groaned. "What is this time, honey?"

"It's Dad! He's done something really evil this time, and I can't take it anymore! I wanna come home!"

"Vanessa, dear. Do you know how stressful it is for me to deal with this every day? I have things to do too, you... wait! What did you say?"

"I wanna come home! I don't want to deal with this anymore!"

"What are you talking about?"

As Vanessa tried to express over the phone how visibly distraught she was, on the opposite side of the street, an unattended baby carriage was barreling down the sidewalk. A few seconds later, it was followed by a heavy-set woman wearing a red sundress with a daisy pattern on it, screaming in anguish.

"**MY BABY! SOMEBODY SAVE MY BABY!**"

Those cries for help got Vanessa's attention, as she spotted the runaway carriage, about to disappear from sight as it barreled down the steep hill on the other side, towards one of downtown's most busiest intersections. Without even thinking, she hung up on her mother and started running after the carriage.

Or, rather, towards a young boy sitting on the sidewalk, enjoying a cone of pistachio ice cream, while his skateboard and helmet lied next to him. Vanessa quickly raced by him, picking up both the board and the helmet without stopping.

"Be right back!" she yelled without looking back.

Vanessa hopped on the board and made her way down the hill, while simultaneously snapping the helmet on even though it was too small for her head. As she hurriedly got her bearings, her eyes quickly darted to the opposite side of the street to see where the carriage was. Seeing it increase in speed as it got closer to the intersection, Vanessa knew she only had a few seconds to save the child.

She ollied off of the sidewalk, darting into a narrow space between two parked vehicles, and crossed the street, even while still pointing the front of her board downhill. She did another ollie to jump onto the sidewalk on that side of the street, then turned her body and the board to the right until she was careening straight down the center. Vanessa leaned forward, picking up speed as she closed in on the carriage.

But then something unexpected happened.

Just as the carriage was about to reach the crosswalk, which at that moment was filled with cars coming from both the left and the right, the carriage's lone passenger was launched from his ride, becoming airborne. Seeing the child take flight, Vanessa leaped up off of her board, using her back foot to push off.

Vanessa reached forward to try and grab the infant, as she heard the sound of cars below her braking hard to avoid the carriage, which was tipping over on its side in its attempt to transfer from the concrete sidewalk to the asphalt street. Vanessa managed to pluck the baby out of mid-air, just as her body was beginning to flip head-over-heels. Gravity took over, and pulled her downward.

She ended up landing on a loosely fastened hood of a stopped car. So loose, in fact, that the hood popped up on impact, launching Vanessa and the baby back into the air, and the strap on her helmet broke as well. The three became separated, with both the child and the helmet being tossed up higher than Vanessa herself. The launch propelled the teen into a mid-air cartwheel. She went with it, letting her momentum bring her back down to Earth.

Vanessa's right foot hit the sidewalk pavement first, immediately followed by her left. Upon impact, Vanessa dug her left heel in and used it as a pivot to bring her right leg 90 degrees around. With her body and her right leg almost perfectly parallel to the ground, she reached out in front of her body, where her hands a split second later caught her helmet. The airborne infant followed in quicker than the blink of the eye, as he landed butt-first in the inside of the helmet. But despite the added weight, Vanessa kept her balance and managed to keep a hold of them both without much strain.

All in all, nobody was injured, and other than the carriage, which now lied in the middle of the street and partially under the wheel of one of the halted cars in the intersection, there was no significant damage or destruction.

Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief as she brought her raised leg down and stood up straight.

"You're safe now, little tyke," Vanessa said with a smile.

The baby boy giggled in response, oblivious to what had just happened.

* * *

It took some time for the police to get on the scene and get statements for everyone involved in the incident. Vanessa and the infant's mother were the last to be interviewed, and they were wrapping up just as Vanessa's own mother had weaved her way to the scene on foot, after traffic had been blocked off approaching the intersection in all directions.

"Vanessa, honey!" her mom called out. "Are you alright?"

She grabbed Vanessa and wrapped her arms around her only child.

"Mom, you're embarrassing me!"

"I was worried about you," she said. "I heard about the accident on the radio, and I was afraid you might've been hurt."

"Anything but," one of the officers spoke up. "Your daughter's a hero! She saved this child's life today!"

He pointed to the rescued baby, who was being cuddled by his mother.

"You did this?"

"It was nothing," Vanessa said, trying to assure her it was no problem. "I'm me! It was a piece of cake."

As Vanessa continued to receive accolades from everyone from her mom to witnesses of the incident, little did she know that she was also being watched by someone from afar. From someone who had watched the entire incident...

From a camera... embedded in the right eye of the rescued infant.

* * *

"All of our research didn't do this girl justice. She's phenomenal!"

A bald man in his 50s, wearing a navy blue military-like uniform, had watched the whole scene unfold from behind his desk, observing it all on the big-screen TV in front of him. He had a manila folder open on top of the desk, and a bunch of papers were in it. On top was a file that was titled 'Vanessa Doofenshmirtz,' and along with all of her vital stats and information on her, two photos of her were clipped to it. A profile shot of just her head, and a full-body shot of her, obtained on-file from the company that took her school's yearbook photos.

"Sure, her father's ambiguously evil, but whose isn't these days? We **MUST** find a way to get her to work for us! Someone like her would do well to help shift the world's balance back in favor of good!"

A subordinate that happened to be in the room nodded, then walked off to make it happen. The old man then turned his attention back to the video, as reporters were finally arriving on the scene and Vanessa now found herself about to be subjected to another round of questioning.

_("Little did I know that saving that kid that day was the final test. By saving him, my life was about to be changed... forever.")_

* * *

Several hours later, long after dusk, Vanessa finally stumbled into her bedroom at her mother's house, clearly exhausted. She didn't even bother to slip out of her high-heeled black boots, as she made her way over to her bed and willingly let her body fall into it.

Vanessa lied there, face-down, for several minutes. Her eyes began to close by themselves, begging her to call it a day. And she let them win, as she felt her body wanting to bury itself underneath the covers that lied beneath it.

Their wishes were dashed when Vanessa felt her cell phone vibrating. Maybe it was screaming for help, given it was being crushed between the right side of Vanessa's stomach and the bed springs. Vanessa turned over so she was looking up at the ceiling, and pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket. She audibly groaned when she found out why it was buzzing with anguish.

63 unread messages.

"Ugh! This bites! Everyone I know has probably called or texted me since I saved that kid! And probably a few people I don't know, too."

Suddenly, Vanessa heard a loud bang coming from outside the house that immediately made her sit up in bed. She dropped her phone on the bed and raced out of the room.

* * *

Armed with a flashlight and a frying pan, Vanessa stepped outside, closing the front door behind her. She switched the flashlight on, then started walking down the long, winding path sloping down towards the driveway.

"Hello?"

She got no response, save for the sound of a lone cricket chirping. She continued on anyway, eventually reaching the cobblestone driveway. There, standing at the end, was their blue recycling receptacle. And it was open, the top having been left off. Vanessa walked over to take a look inside. But a quick search, illuminated by her flashlight, showed that it was completely empty.

She started to head back to the walkway, when her brain told her to not give up so easily.

Vanessa decided to keep looking around the yard, just to make sure. She started by walking up the driveway, shining her flashlight ahead of her.

About halfway up, the right heel of her boot suddenly sunk five inches into the ground. That made Vanessa pause. She shined the flashlight down to her heel, and saw there was a small stone there that had been pushed into the ground when she walked on it.

Vanessa then heard the sound of a combination of rock, dirt, and grass being shifted out of place. She glanced to her left and her mouth hung wide open as a secret passage revealed itself.

"Whoa!"

She walked over to it and aimed her flashlight into the passage. What she found was a staircase leading downward.

"I've lived here my entire life and never knew this was here!"

And yet, Vanessa started descending inwards, her curiosity getting the best of her. Once she was a couple dozen steps down, the rock-dirt door rose back up, sealing the passage up behind her.

* * *

With no way to turn back, Vanessa made her way down the stairs, which she literally counted to have 99 steps. And waiting for her at the bottom was a solid, metal door. A door that didn't have a knob, or latch, or any other similar device to open it with.

That is, until she shined her flashlight slightly to the left, and saw a numeric keypad with an entry display. She stepped over to it and examined it thoroughly.

"Okay... now what?"

"Greetings!"

Vanessa froze, and her eyes darted around, trying to figure out where the voice had come from it. As if to give her a hint, the voice spoke up again.

"I said, greetings!"

That time, Vanessa's gaze shot up the wall, above the keypad, and she saw a speaker embedded in the rock there.

"Okay... hello?"

"Ah, yes. I see you've arrived, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz!"

Vanessa wasn't pleased that this voice knew whom she was.

"Alright, you. I don't know who you are, or how you built a secret passage under my house without anyone in my family knowing, but I better get some answers, and fast!"

"Ah, spunk!" the voice said in response. "I remember the days in which I could yield that as a weapon against evildoers!"

"Do you think I'm kidding? You better come out here, right now!"

"Hmmm... intriguing. But I have a better idea. Why don't you come in here and find me yourself?"

"What?"

"The passcode is 4-9-8-2, then press 'enter.'"

Part of Vanessa thought this was a trap. But again, the part of her brain that produced curiosity seemed to be winning out over the calls for caution. She walked over to the keypad and slowly put in the code, in the exact order as instructed. She then hesitated before finally pressing the 'enter' button.

Perhaps she should've hesitated a little longer.

A hole in the floor opened up beneath Vanessa, and she fell in. In fact, the drop was so unexpected, she released her grip on both the flashlight and the frying pan, and neither made it in behind her.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

Vanessa found herself sliding, butt-first, down a plastic tube. The first few seconds, she was falling in darkness, but that changed when the tube changed from plastic to metallic, and interconnected tubes of florescent light bulbs lined the passage on both sides.

Vanessa felt herself being thrown side-to-side, tossed upside down, and spun around in circles for what probably felt like hours. But it finally ended after an actual elapsed time just north of two minutes, when she landed hard on a padded gray swivel chair.

"Oof!"

After the hard landing, Vanessa opened her eyes and found herself sitting in a sterile office of some sort. Right behind her was a huge big-screen TV, though it was shut off at the moment. To her right was a bookshelf filled with what had to be hundreds and hundreds of books. In front of her was a gigantic desk, which was neatly organized and had a couple of containers on it that held sharpened pencils and ballpoint pens, an in-out file tray, and two manila folders lying in the center. And to her left...

"Yaaaaa!"

Was a young woman who was supposed to land in the other swivel chair, but it was not in the right place, and her butt instead hit the hard, ceramic tiled floor instead.

"Owwww! That hurt!"

Vanessa ignored her and got out of her chair.

"What is this?" she shouted. "I demand you come out here this instant!"

"Why should I have to come out?" she and the other girl heard in response.

The other girl got up from the floor, rubbing her aching butt cheeks.

"Especially when I'm right here."

The swivel chair sitting on the other side of the large desk turned around, and the duo was finally going to be able to have a face to go with that ominous, yet cordial voice. It turned the out that the guy that had brought them there was fairly old, probably in his mid-50s, and he had a military background, given his clothes.

"Good evening, ladies," he greeted them. "My name is Jimmy Stuart. And, as of this moment... the two of you... now work for **ME**!"

**To be continued...**

**Author's Notes:**  
Yep... first chapter ends in a cliffhanger. It's a two-part 'origin' story anyways. As you might've guessed, the other girl there is Carly, who was introduced in the prologue... and Vanessa officially meets her and her possibly-future boss next time. And then you'll see how the girls' first assignment together went wrong. Lots of action involved.

Vanessa's baby-saving escapade was harder to write than I thought it would be. I mean, you see all of those action sequences in your favorite drama movies or TV shows and think, 'hey, writing those must be a piece of cake!' No, it's not. Especially someone like me, who finds writing descriptive sequences like that hard. And this is a fanfic, not a movie or a TV show, so I have to try to over-explain it to make sure you get what's going on. Still, for what it's worth, I think it turned out well enough.

New chapters once a week is what I'm shooting for here. Review if you liked it!


	2. I'm a Spy!, Part 2

_("Okay, so after my dad saw another one of his evil schemes blow up in his face, I gained notoriety soon after by saving a baby from a carriage that was barreling towards a busy intersection. More than I was comfortable with. Unfortunately, it seemed to be enough to draw the attention of an old weirdo, who has intentions of hiring me. For what, I don't really know...")_

Vanessa and another girl her age that she had never met before were sitting inside an office that they had been whisked into against their will. In front of them was a large desk, and behind that desk sat an old man in his 50s, who was bald and was wearing a navy blue uniform that suggested that he had a military background. And he had just told them that they were now his newest employees.

"Could you say that again?" the other girl asked. "I didn't quite catch it the first time."

Vanessa rolled her eyes as she glanced over at her probable fellow kidnappee. She had blonde hair, which was tied up in pigtails that would be more appropriate on a child. She was wearing a baby blue top that showed off not only her belly button, but also an ample amount of cleavage, as well as a pair of bright orange booty shorts that left very little to the imagination. The outfit was topped off with some plain white sneakers that had a crocodile drawn on them with permanent marker, and a gold chain on her right wrist that had a charm in the shape of the state of Florida attached to it.

"Where'd they find you?" Vanessa asked her. "Florida?"

The girl gasped. "Yes! How did you know? It's... it's like you can read my mind!"

"Yeah, uh huh," Vanessa nodded, with a sarcastic tone in her voice. "Let's go with that."

Vanessa then turned back to look at James Stuart, the old man who had brought the two of them here.

"What do you mean we're now working for you?" she questioned him, getting back to the issue at hand.

"I'm glad you asked," James said with a smile.

James got out of his seat to answer this one. With a small remote in hand, he aimed it at the big-screen TV behind the girls. It turned on, and it displayed on-screen a logo made up of the organization's initials.

"Ladies... welcome to the Juvenile Association In Love with Busting Antagonists Instigating Trouble!"

Which spelled out, as Vanessa saw on the screen, JAILBAIT. The blonde beside her applauded with glee, loving the sound of the name. Vanessa, on the other hand...

_("And I thought my dad had the market on horrible acronyms...")_

* * *

**Doofy and Doofus**  
**Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Okay, on that note, a friendly reminder that this is a T-rated fic...

Time for the second half of the 'origin story.' Let's get to it!

**Disclaimer:** The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

**-**  
**Chapter Two - I'm a Spy! [Don't Tell Anyone!], Part 2 (10.07.10)**  
**-**

"Okay," Vanessa looked at her new employer, "so what exactly does the Juvenile Association In Love with..."

"Ahem!" Jimmy cut her off. "Say it right!"

"Are you... fine! What exactly does JAILBAIT..."

"That's better."

"...do? And how do Florida Blondie and I fit in?"

"Well," Jimmy explained, "JAILBAIT is a secret spy organization that employs teenagers to help fight against the forces of evil. We look for the best and brightest your generation has in order to kick the collective asses of those who would wish destruction upon the world. You two have been selected to become our newest agents, because you both personify what we like to see in our staff. Beauty, brains, and a knack for saving the day through a series of punches, kicks, flips, and other flashy acts of female strength and independence!"

"Can I stop you right there?" Vanessa asked, before pointing over to the other girl. "Her? Have all of those things?"

"Of course," Jimmy responded to Vanessa's objection.

Jimmy then played side-by-side video of Vanessa and the blonde saving a baby in a carriage from being mauled by rush hour traffic.

"You two were the only ones in a group of about a dozen young people we were watching that actually passed our final recruitment test. I have to say, both of your moves were funky fresh! Teens still say that, right?"

"Wow!" the girl gasped. "The camera really **DOES** add ten pounds! I look so fat!"

"That was a test? You mean I didn't save a **REAL** baby?"

"Of course not! You really think we'd put the lives of a dozen babies on the line carelessly?"

"Yeah, and that makes it okay to put ours up instead?"

"But you two turned out fine."

"That's not the point! You could've gotten someone killed!"

"Nonsense! All of you recruits were skilled enough to pull that final test off without it resulting in any bodily injury. But you two were the only ones who had the courage to do it. And that's why you're here."

"So we're spies now?" the blonde spoke up. "I'm gonna tell all my friends!"

She pulled out her phone, but before she could even start dialing, it was snatched from her hands. In a flash, each of Jerry's hands went from being empty to having a cell phone in them.

"What?" Vanessa gasped, realizing he had taken hers as well. "How?"

"Rule number one! When I say you're secret agents, that means you have to keep that fact a secret! No one outside of this room is to know that! Understood?"

The blonde nodded. Vanessa didn't, but she continued to pay attention anyway.

"Rule number two! Even though we've chosen you, you're still not officially part of the organization until you've completed 20 hours of spy training!"

"20?" the other gal raised her hand. "Can we cut that down to, like, none? I get sweaty really easy, and that kills my complexion!"

"Do you even think before you open your mouth?" Vanessa growled at her.

"Rule number three! You respect your fellow teammates at **ALL TIMES**! Is that clear?"

That regulation seemed to be directed at Vanessa, if Jimmy's glare at her was any indication. Vanessa crossed her legs as she nodded once in agreement, albeit reluctantly.

"That being said..."

Jimmy tossed a manila folder at Vanessa, and she caught it with ease. She opened it, and noticed the first page had a name at the top of it that wasn't her...

"Uh, my name isn't Carly..."

"Hey!" Carly shouted. "That's my name!"

"Speaking of which," Jimmy led on, "**HEADS UP!**"

Jimmy threw a different folder at Carly. But this toss was a little high. Luckily, Carly had the sense to reach up above her head and catch it with one hand... and without the contents spilling out of it.

"Your first training exercise is to study the dossier of your partner, which I've just given you. You two will be working as a team, and it's important that before you can entrust each other with your lives, you have to know everything about yourselves!"

Vanessa immediately found something she didn't agree with in Carly's dossier, as she pulled a page out labeled 'Guys of Romantic Interest.'

"I don't see how the fact that Carly's been with enough guys to go out with each of them exactly once a month is relevant to being a spy!"

"And you've only gone out with one," Carly pointed out to Vanessa. "I guess you just don't have the gift, like I do!"

"It's important that you know everyone your partner's associated with," Jimmy told them. "In the spy biz, you can never be too careful."

"I doubt my boyfriend Johnny is suddenly gonna want me dead."

"He's right," Carly begged to differ. "Number 20, Greg? He tried to run me over with his car after I told him his hair looked like a bird's nest on our first date."

"Will you **STOP** siding with him?"

"Why? He's our boss!"

"Yours, maybe!" Vanessa shouted as she stood up. "But this secret agent stuff isn't me! Besides, I didn't ask to be a spy, and you can't make me be one!"

"I beg to differ. You've already signed a contract stating that includes you waiving your right to voluntary leaving the organization at any time."

"What? When?"

Jimmy provided video proof, in the form of Vanessa being shown signing off on the police report after the incident.

"That form was actually written in code. Spy code! You weren't filling out an incident report, young lady. You were signing your contract of employment with us!"

"That's neat-o!" squealed Carly. "I would've never guessed!"

"The two of you belong to JAILBAIT for as long as we require your services," Jimmy said to them.

"You can't do that!"

"We can. We're spies. The rules don't apply to us."

"I'm gonna find a way out of this!" Vanessa said. "Trust me, I will!"

"In the meantime," Jimmy interjected as he ignored her threat, "study your partner's dossier well. You will be tested in the morning! Until then, ladies..."

Jimmy snapped his fingers, and two small square holes appeared beneath the girls' feet, one for each of them. Vanessa and Carly both screamed as they plummeted downwards and out of the office.

"Remember," he shouted, "this is all a secret!"

* * *

Vanessa was sitting on her bed, contemplating what her next move should be, even as she pulled the manila folder out of her leather jacket. She placed it down on the bed next to her, opened it, and pulled out the top page.

"'Carly Adams-Chrysanthemum-Montgomery-Ward,'" Vanessa read it aloud. "'Age, 16. Height, 5 feet, 9 inches. Weight, 129 pounds. Bust size...' I don't care, and don't want to."

_("Yeah, I know. I don't even want to be part of this spy organization. I don't want anything to do with it! And yet, here I am, doing exactly what I was told to do! Reading up on my 'partner.' I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. All of that praise from saving that baby must be cutting off the circulation to my brain.")_

"Let's see...," Vanessa continued, "'Born in the town of Trenton, Florida. Lives with her mom and her third and current husband, John Ward. Also has an older step-brother named William, currently an undergraduate student at the University of Florida.'"

Vanessa's voice trailed off, as she started to read the rest of the page silently to herself. She then did the same with all of the other files in the folder, which took her the better part of an hour to go through completely...

* * *

The next morning, Vanessa was whisked away to the JAILBAIT Agent Training Facility, getting there by way of a supersonic jet that had picked her up at her house. But to keep the location of the facility a secret, Vanessa was given a blindfold to cover her eyes the whole way there.

Upon given the command to finally take the blindfold off, Vanessa did so without haste... and found herself standing next to Carly...

In the middle of a jungle.

"It's you!" Carly pointed at Vanessa. "Vanessa, right?"

"Yeah... Carly, was it?"

"Uh huh!" Carly nodded. "Carly Adams-Chrysanthemum-Montgomery-Ward, from Gainesville! And you're Vanessa Doofablatz, from Danville!"

"Actually," Vanessa raised a finger to correct her. "It's pronounced Doofenshmirtz."

"Really? Because that's too hard to say."

Carly thought for a minute, and came up with an idea.

"I know! I'll call you Doofy for short!"

Vanessa frowned.

"Please tell me you're not serious."

"Doofy it is, then! I think we're gonna be good friends, Doofy!"

"And I want to use my blindfold to gag your mouth," mumbled Vanessa.

"Whoa!" Carly took a step back after hearing that. "We just met. No need to get **THAT** friendly!"

Fed up with hearing words coming out of Carly's mouth, she pleaded loudly to hear someone else's.

"**WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?**"

"I'm glad you asked, Vanessa."

Both girls turned around and saw a small, eyeball-shaped surveillance pod floating towards them. And in the pod's iris was a live picture of Jimmy, communicating to them from somewhere else.

"Welcome to the JAILBAIT Training Facility!" Jimmy greeted them. "Here, you'll learn everything you need to know to make it as a spy."

A small map was ejected from the top of the pod, and it flew up in the air and back down, landing safely in Vanessa's hands.

"About four miles northeast of your current location is a hidden satellite station that belongs to an enemy organization. They are using it to relay secret information pertaining to future attacks on American military installations. Your mission is to infiltrate the station, disable all of their communications and render them inoperable."

"Sounds dangerous!" observed Carly.

"I agree," added Vanessa. "Isn't this a bit much for a training mission?"

"I assure you," Jimmy said to them. "The two of you are more than up to the task! Except..."

"Except?"

"You two stand out way too much in those outfits. They simply won't do if you're to sneak in undetected. I've got something better!"

"You went shopping and didn't tell us?" Carly looked at Jimmy sadly.

Vanessa scanned the area, looking for these new outfits.

"So... where are they?"

"There should be a cherry bark oak tree in front of you. There's a secret panel embedded in the trunk which will drop the chest containing your spy outfits to the ground."

Carly had already wandered off to the nearest tree, and was gently knocking on it. Almost instantly, she found the secret panel, which lifted up to reveal a big red button underneath.

"And make sure to jump back after pressing the button," warned Jimmy.

"Carly!" Vanessa shouted, at the exact moment she saw the blonde press the button.

"What?"

Vanessa ran over and grabbed Carly by the arm. She looked up and saw a giant wooden chest falling from above. Vanessa pulled Carly backwards and out of harm's way in the nick of time, as the chest hit the ground with a loud thud.

"That was close," Vanessa sighed with relief.

"I'll say," added Carly.

The two walked back over and opened the chest, which was unlocked. Inside were two spandex catsuits. One was carnation pink, the other was apricot. Carly immediately grabbed the pink one and squealed in delight.

"**EEEEE!** Carnation pink is, like, totally my color!"

"Are you serious?" grumbled Vanessa as she grabbed the apricot one. "These are too bright! We'll stick out like sore thumbs!"

Vanessa then tugged at the suit's material.

"And to top it off, these suits look way too small!"

"Looks can be deceiving," Jimmy assured her. "They are designed to fit you perfectly. After all, we got both of your measurements down to the nearest sixteenth-of-an-inch!"

* * *

Vanessa and Carly changed into their spy outfits, and sure enough, they fit them perfectly. Maybe too much so, as they showed off every single one of the curves in their bodies.

"Never worn anything this snug!" gasped Carly, running her hands up and down the front of the body. "Great support, too!"

Carly was about to prove her point as she reached up to grab her breasts. But Vanessa slapped Carly's curious hands away, to the blonde's disgust.

"What was **THAT** for?"

Vanessa eyed her angrily.

"Are you **SURE** you're only 16?"

"Time's a-wastin'!" Jimmy cut in. "You must complete this mission by sunset, or you fail!"

"Don't worry!" Carly shouted. "We won't fail!"

"Good... because from this point on, you're on your own."

With that, the surveillance pod went dead... literally. All of its systems immediately shut down, and the pod fell to the ground, shattering into dozens of pieces upon impact.

"You heard him, Doofy!" Carly exclaimed as she started walking off. "We've got a mission to complete."

As Carly headed off, Vanessa picked up the rolled-up map from the ground, unfurled, and studied it for a few seconds. She then quickly got her bearings and figured out the correct direction to go... was in the direction opposite of the one Carly had left in. So Vanessa started heading the correct way...

To be followed by Carly ten seconds later, after realizing her partner wasn't behind her.

"Wait up, Doofy! Wait up!"

* * *

After a couple hours of walking, Vanessa and Carly began to notice the jungle thin out, especially when they came across a small clearing that had a small paved road pass through the center of it going east-west. And on the other side of the road was a small, gray-brick one-story building that happened to have two satellite dishes on its roof. It had a chain-link fence surrounding its perimeter. Vanessa looked at the map to confirm they were in the right place.

"This is definitely it," Vanessa said as she rolled the map back up. "Though it looks low-security. And by that, I mean there's no security. At all."

Sure enough, they weren't any visible guards in sight.

"So empty," Carly observed. "Reminds me of my date with Charlie. Uh huh. He told me to meet him at a dance at an abandoned plantation. He never showed up. Neither did anyone else. I don't know why."

"Maybe it has to deal with the fact that it was abandoned?"

"Oh! And then there was that date with Chester. He brought me to this water treatment facility, tied me to a series of pipes, and left me there overnight! The outside of this place looks just like the building I was in! Ah, memories."

"Enough stories," Vanessa said to Carly. "If we're forced to be spies and have to start dressing like spies... somewhat, then it's time we start acting like spies. Follow me, stay out of sight, and keep quiet!"

Vanessa ran across the paved street, her heels clicking and clacking against the pavement, and Carly followed suit. They ran for the door, but Vanessa didn't immediately reach for the knob. Instead, she pressed her back flat against the wall next to the entrance. Carly looked oddly at her as she walked up to the door and stopped.

"What are you doing?" Carly asked.

"Me?" Vanessa questioned in return. "What are you doing? Get against the wall!"

"Y'know, it's probably unlocked."

Carly grabbed the doorknob and turned it counter-clockwise. It swung open, making a creaking sound as it did.

"See?"

Carly took two steps inside, and her right foot cut off an infrared beam that was only visible to the human eye from six inches away or less. Doing so tripped an audible alarm, as a siren started sounding off and white and red lights flashed throughout the innards of the building.

"Ooh!" Carly suddenly recalled as Vanessa stuck her head in the doorway, "This reminds me of the time I dated this boy named Junior. He used to tell me stories of how he'd sneak into museums and jewelry stores and the like. Then he told me of the only time he ever got caught, and it unfolded just like this! Say... you think he's a spy, just like us?"

"I can't believe you'd try to walk into a secret facility so carelessly!" Vanessa shouted at her, having ignored the story.

"So... that's a no?"

"**HANDS UP IN THE AIR!**"

Vanessa turned around and saw two uniformed police officers pointing their guns at her.

"**THAT MEANS YOU TOO, MISSY!**"

That voice came from inside the building, as a third officer, the facility's security guard, had drawn his gun and had it pointed at Carly.

"What's going on?" Vanessa asked.

"You're trespassing on private government property!" one of the officers told her. "Care to explain?"

"Private government property? As in, American government property?"

"But America's not the enemy!" Carly stated as she was motioned to walk back outside.

"And what's up with the outfits? Aren't you two a bit too young to be dancers?"

"What?" Carly replied. "No one's ever too young to dance!"

"That's not what he..." Vanessa tried to correct her, before stopping. "Look, we're spies, okay?"

"Spies? What kind of self-respecting spy would dress like the two of you?"

"Only the most stylish spies in the world!" exclaimed Carly, putting a hand on her hip and posing as if she was a fashion model.

"I've heard enough," the lead officer decided. "Book 'em."

The other two officers each pulled out a pair of handcuffs and advanced on the girls.

* * *

_("And **THAT'S** how we ended up here...")_

Vanessa's arms were hanging outside the jail cell bars, and she stood there, sulking. She also heard Carly crying behind her on the bench.

_("Some spies we turned out to be. Doofy and Doofus, that's what we are.")_

Suddenly, the door into the prison area opened again. Vanessa looked to see who it was... and brightened up when he saw that it was Jimmy.

"Looks like someone needs a bailout," Jimmy said with a smile.

**To be continued...**

**Author's Notes:**  
So the first training mission is a bust. It looks like Vanessa's career as a spy is going to be short-lived. Or is it?

Carly is... special, to put it mildly. Can she really make it as a spy? Next time, Vanessa's gonna hopefully see the potential that Jimmy apparently sees in her. Otherwise, this spy nonsense may cost the both of them their lives!


	3. Volunteering for Duty

_("So, let me catch you up..._

_I saved this baby from getting squashed by rush hour traffic, only to find out that it was a test concocted by the Juvenile Association In Love with Busting Antagonists Instigating Trouble. Better known as... ugh, JAILBAIT. I'm going to petition them to change that name. And change the uniforms, too. Apricot? Do I **LOOK** like an apricot?_

_Anyway, me and another girl, Carly, were the only ones to pass the test, and, against our will, we were recruited into the organization. We were given a training mission almost immediately, but something tells me it was a little out of our league. We got caught and thrown in jail for trespassing... on one of our country's government facilities._

_Luckily, our boss, Jimmy, has come to bail us out. But something tells me that there's something off about this spy organization...")_

Vanessa and Carly were standing in Jimmy's office. It had been an hour since Jimmy had bailed them out of the slammer. But while Carly was just happy to be free again, Vanessa wasn't pleased about them getting there in the first place.

"Sorry about that, ladies," Jimmy apologized to them. "Apparently, the intel we received was incorrect, and by the time I realized it, it was too late to stop you."

"Yeah, thanks a lot," retorted Vanessa with sarcasm.

"We've worked everything out with the local law enforcement, and they won't file a police report. It'll be as if it never happened."

"Except it did! Plus, you lied about us being on your training facility!"

"And what better way to train than in a real-life mission?"

"Carly and I could've been in real trouble, y'know?"

"But we aren't anymore," Carly said, trying to look on the brighter side. "Jimmy would never let anything bad happen to us, Doofy!"

"Regardless," coughed Jimmy. "I've concluded that maybe I've erred and overestimated your abilities. I assure you, your next mission will be more your speed."

"There won't be a next mission!" Vanessa shouted, as she turned and headed out. "I quit!"

"Doofy!" Carly called out. "Doofy!"

Vanessa exited, leaving Jimmy with one less agent and Carly without a partner.

* * *

**Doofy and Doofus**  
**Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Wait... how can Vanessa just walk out? And will Carly be forced to take on her next mission by herself? Read on, folks!

**Disclaimer:** The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

**-**  
**Chapter Three - Volunteering for Duty (10.14.10)**  
**-**

_("After turning in my uniform, I surprisingly was given a ride back to Danville without incident. Despite being told that no one can leave the organization without permission, I was allowed to do just that. And I don't know why..."_

_"That is... until a week later...")_

"**FINALLY!**" Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz proclaimed loudly, "**I GET TO GO OUT ON A PICNIC!**"

"Dad," Vanessa chuckled.

"What? I can't help myself... I'm so excited!"

Vanessa and her dad were in the park, about to spend some quality time together. Just the two of them... and Norm, who casually stomped up behind them, carrying a picnic basket and a gallon jug of potato salad.

"I'm helping!" Norm declared.

Vanessa unfolded the red-and-white checkered blanket she was holding on the grass while her dad walked over to get the basket from Norm.

"See?" the evil scientist said to his daughter. "No work involved today! At all! I'm not even going to **THINK** about Perry the Platypus today!"

"Finally," Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief. "A quiet father-daughter day together, just the two of us!"

"**DOOFY!**"

"Ugh," grumbled the goth girl, "spoke too soon."

Vanessa turned around and saw Carly running up, dressed in her pinkish spy uniform.

"Who's this?" Heinz asked. "A new friend? Funny, though... she doesn't seem your type."

"She's no one," Vanessa said as she grabbed Carly's left arm and pulled her away.

"Ouch, that hurts!" Carly winced in pain.

"She can stay!" Heinz shouted. "We've got plenty of food!"

"Particularly potato salad!" added Norm. "We can give you a two-gallon tub to take home, if you want!"

Heinz glared at Norm.

"Really? Are you **STILL** hung up on that?"

"If the industrial-size cauldron fits!"

* * *

Vanessa pulled Carly behind a tree, then looked back to make sure neither her father or Norm had followed them.

"Are we playing hide and seek?" Carly asked childishly. "Because I had this boyfriend named Jacob who liked to play it all the time with me! But he was bad at it... I could hide for hours, and he'd never find me! I would always find him afterward in his car, and rub it in."

"What are you doing here?" shouted Vanessa.

"Looking for my partner, silly! That's **YOU**!"

Carly emphasized '**YOU**' by poking the bridge of Vanessa's nose with her right index finger.

"Partner? I quit! Remember?"

Carly shook her head.

"I turned in my uniform and everything!"

Carly shook no again.

"Oy! Let me... let me talk to Jimmy."

"Tee hee," Carly giggled. "No one talks to Jimmy! Jimmy talks to you!"

Carly proved her point when a large hose popped up out of the tree trunk next to them and sucked the both of them in.

* * *

About a minute later, the girls emerged from the other end of the hose, which dropped them into the center of Jimmy's office. The two landed comfortably on a bright orange couch.

"Ah," Jimmy said with a smile, "great timing, spies!"

Vanessa jumped off the couch and stared down Jimmy.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me the last time! **I QUIT!**"

"Oh, you can't quit," Jimmy told her. "I thought I made that perfectly clear, Vanessa. Once you're in, you're in until we say you're out."

"Then why'd you let me give back my spy outfit?"

"Because I knew you'd come back for it eventually. And it looks like I was right!"

"Yippee!" squealed Carly.

Carly hopped up and wrapped her arms around Vanessa's body.

"We're together again, we're together again!"

"Will you get off of me?" Vanessa snapped, as she broke free.

"Vanessa," cut in Jimmy, "you seem to not understand the wonderful opportunity that's been presented to you! Don't you realize that there are many perks to being a spy?"

Vanessa crossed her arms over her chest as she heard Jimmy out.

"You get to travel all over the world, stop evildoers from wreaking havoc, immerse yourself in various languages and cultures, and, most importantly..."

"Meet a lot of **HOT** guys!" Carly added excitedly.

"Ahem," Jimmy coughed. "What Carly means is that you get to meet lots of fascinating people. Maybe a few that could have an impact on your future, perhaps?"

"Well..." Vanessa uttered, starting to show signs of interest.

"Did I mention access to some of the most technologically-advanced gadgets on the planet to help you on assignments? Oh, and..."

Jimmy pressed a button on his keyboard, and the wall to his right (the girls' left) rose up into the ceiling. Behind it was a large display case labeled 'Spy Hall of Fame.' In it were four spy outfits, similar to the one that Carly was currently wearing. But each was a different color. From left to right, they were forest green, lipstick red, grapefruit peel yellow, and snow white.

"One day, you could find yourself in this elite company! The best agents I've ever had!"

"Had?"

"No need to worry, they're all safe. They're just no longer with the organization. They've grown up and moved on with their lives. But Pam, Jade, Ana, and Val were the best agents that have ever served under me. They were all incredible. And you? You may be even better!"

"Really? They sound like pretty cool cats."

"Yes, they were something. When they were here, they were by far our best agents. No matter what, they always managed to get the job done. They willingly put their lives on the line every day to ensure that all of us would live to see another sunrise. And you, my dear Vanessa, have the potential to be as good as all of them. Maybe even better!"

"You really think that?" Vanessa asked. "That... the world would be a safer place if I was spy?"

"I completely believe that. We only recruit the best of the best here. We would've never even have approached you if we thought this was something beyond your capabilities."

"You're amazing," Carly lauded. "Jimmy's shown me some footage of you in action!"

"Footage?"

"Yeah!"

Jimmy aimed his remote at the big-screen TV behind the girls, and they turned around to see the security footage from the time Vanessa tried to help her dad obtain pizzazium infinionite at the Superduper Mega Superstore.

"The way you flew around that store was beyond spectacular!" exclaimed Carly. "Where'd you learn to pull off moves like those?"

Vanessa smiled at the praise Carly was giving her.

"Well, not to brag or anything, but it just comes naturally. That's just the way I am. I'm me!"

"And it's intangibles like that which make you stand head and shoulders above any agent that's walked through those doors in the nine years I've served as head of this organization! That's why we need you, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz! The world... needs you!"

Vanessa began to think, as Jimmy and Carly waited to see if they had convinced her to stay on-board.

_("Jimmy makes a very convincing argument. But did I really want to be a spy? I mean, if I said yes, my life would never be the same! And yet... if the world needed me...")_

"Okay. I'm in!"

Carly jumped up and down with glee, and a smile formed on Jimmy's face.

"But!" Vanessa lifted a finger, cutting off their celebration, "I want one concession from you."

"And what would that be?" Jimmy asked, half-hesitantly.

"The uniform," answered Vanessa, pointing to Carly's. "I'm **NOT** wearing anything **THAT** garish and... ugh... girly!"

"But that's standard-issue!"

"Can't I get it in another color? Like, I dunno... black?"

"Black's not a color, Doofy!" Carly said to her.

"It actually is," Jimmy corrected Carly, "and, no."

Vanessa was unhappy again.

"And why **NOT**?"

"We're spies that fight for good," explained Jimmy, "and black is one that's normally associated with the forces of evil."

But then he saw that Vanessa was about to explode with rage. He hastily retracted his statement.

"Alright, fine! I'll see what I can do."

That seemed to satiate Vanessa for now.

"Good."

"But, in the meantime..."

Jimmy snapped his fingers, and Vanessa's apricot-colored spy uniform rose from the floor to her right, on a small platform, and it had been perfectly cleaned, pressed, and folded, making it look brand new.

"Oh, cheer up," Carly said as she saw Vanessa frown. "Apricot looks better on you anyway! Brings out your figure more!"

"I'll wear it," Vanessa stated as she grabbed it with her hands, "but I'm not gonna like it."

"Good enough for me," conceded Jimmy. "Now, onto business..."

Jimmy pulled a manila folder out of his desk and handed it to Vanessa. She immediately opened it and perused the contents, with Carly leaning in to give it a look as well.

* * *

_("I'm sending you out on a real mission this time. To Knoxville. This mission isn't as security-sensitive as the one I sent you on previously, but it's important nevertheless!")_

Vanessa and Carly were sitting in a private jet that was flying them to their destination. With them both now dressed in their spy outfits, they sat together rather peacefully as they tried to focus on the new mission they had just been assigned.

_("We've been asked by a third party at the major university there to conduct a private investigation into possible embezzlement in the school's athletic department. All we know about our client is that he or she is a mid-ranking official in that department and that the person is afraid to investigate himself or herself for fear of his or her job. Our client is not sure how deep this so-called scheme goes, so the person has asked for our help in finding out._

_"You will be infiltrating the school as two undergraduate freshmen. To get access to the athletic department, you'll have to get on one of the sports teams. And there just so happens to be one holding try-outs today...")_

* * *

"Just... great," Vanessa remarked sarcastically.

Vanessa and Carly were sitting on the floor inside of a gym on campus, along with a group of about 25 to 30 other girls. Most of the gals were dressed in workout clothes, many in shorts and sports bras. That included Carly, who was dressed in a dark blue tank top and orange short shorts. Vanessa was the stand out of the group, only because she was wearing her everyday clothes, including her leather jacket.

"I can't believe I'm trying out to be a cheerleader," Vanessa grumbled.

"What?" Carly gasped in shock. "Being a cheerleader is the best thing **EVER**!"

"Sure... if you wanna flaunt your body, demean anyone beneath you, and act like your God's gift to the Earth. Then, yeah... it's the best thing ever."

"We have to get on the cheer squad, Doofy! How else are we going to infiltrate the athletic department and complete our mission?"

Suddenly, a group of about half a dozen girls entered the room, and the group of wannabes, as well as Vanessa and Carly, went silent. The six ladies were all dressed in the school's cheerleading uniforms, which were all orange, with the exception of a white cursive 'T' emblazoned across the chest area.

"Okay, listen up!" one of them yelled.

Vanessa focused her attention on the shouter. The girl was about five feet, eleven inches, and probably was about 115 pounds. She had light brown hair and she had an hourglass figure. And given the way the rest of the group was gathered around her, Vanessa quickly reasoned that she was the captain.

"My name is Veronica, captain of the Eastern Tennessee University Volunteers cheer squad! We only accept perfection on this team..."

"See?" Vanessa whispered to Carly.

"So if you can't give us perfection 100 percent of the time, well... I hear the Flag Girl Losers have plenty of openings. Heh heh..."

She held out her hands face-up, and instantly received low fives from all of the other girls. Already feeling intimidated, three of the would-be auditionees got up and walked out of the gym. The captain and her posse laughed and pointed without remorse.

"Harsh much?" Carly whispered to Vanessa.

"At least they're smart enough to realize they don't have 'it,'" Veronica smirked. "All but two of you here are deluding yourselves. And it's gonna be fun watching you all squirm!"

Veronica looked the remaining candidates over, but stopped when she came across Vanessa.

"What's this?" Veronica called her out. "Sweetie, I think you're in the wrong place! Shouldn't you be trying to slit your wrists in a dark alley somewhere?"

The rest of her posse laughed in agreement. Vanessa stood up to issue a stern response.

"Y'know, if I didn't need this to improve my self-esteem, I wouldn't even be wastin' my time with you losers!"

The posse gasped, then growled angrily. They looked as if they were going to pounce on Vanessa and rip her to shreds, but Veronica raised her arm, halting them instantly.

"So... kitty's got some claws! Y'know, I was going to kick you out for insultin' my girls here, but..."

Veronica walked over to Vanessa and leaned in, flashing a devious smile towards her from about six inches away.

"I wanna let you stay... just to say you fail and ultimately humiliate yourself."

"Yeah?" Vanessa glared back. "Bring it!"

Veronica turned around and walked back to her gal pals, where she addressed the group as a whole again. As she began talking, Vanessa took a seat back on the ground, where Carly leaned in to talk to her.

"Nice cover," Carly complimented her, "but should you **REALLY** be getting the captain of the squad riled up like that?"

"Don't worry," Vanessa assured Carly, "when she sees what I can do, she'll be the one who gets humiliated."

* * *

The tryouts began, and Veronica and her posse sat back to watch the wannabe cheerleaders strut their stuff. Unfortunately, as they would quickly find out, almost all of them truly were wannabes, lacking the dance ability, flexibility, or appeal to match their squad's high standards.

Carly was the first to really dazzle Veronica and her girls, as she danced, flipped, and cheered her way into their hearts. With Carly raising the bar, the next few girls stepped up their game, and the squad captain started seeing some worthy candidates emerge.

Nearly an hour after the tryouts began...

"Last one... number 28!" one of Veronica's girls, this one with pearl white skin and her hair dyed ginger red.

Vanessa took a deep breath, then stood up and walked over to the waiting panel. Carly audibly cheered for her.

"Knock 'em dead!"

"Oh, I intend to," Vanessa muttered to herself.

Vanessa got into place, as Veronica and her posse looked over her paperwork... and her.

"You're not **SERIOUSLY** going to try out in **THAT**, are you?" asked the ginger-haired girl, pointing out Vanessa's outfit.

"And what's with the high heels?" a black-haired Japanese girl asked. "You a dancer or somethin'?"

"You tell me," replied Vanessa. "You look like you know your way around a pole."

The Japanese girl nearly jumped up out of her seat, but two of the others held her down, keeping her from doing something she'd regret. The girl settled for pointing angrily at Vanessa, which she replied to by smiling smugly.

"If she wants to look like a fashion victim," Veronica spoke up, "then let her be."

"Says the girl who's showing more midriff than any sensible woman would be comfortable showing off," remarked Vanessa.

"I actually have a serious question for you," Veronica said, holding her temper. "You expect **ME** to believe that your real name is Lydia Deets?"

"Why, yes. Yes, I do."

Veronica had a mini-huddle with her posse, and then came to a decision.

"Fine. Given the dreary display we've seen today, I could use a laugh. Show us what you've 'got,' Lydia."

Veronica emphasized 'got' with air quotes. 'Lydia' held herself from making a disgusted face in response and began to concentrate.

_("Now, I could've done something simple and made the squad without breaking much of a sweat. But I wanted to show these posers what I could really do!")_

Strangely enough, 'Lydia' did start off with something simple. She did two backflips in a row, one after the other, and then immediately followed it up with a forward somersault, which she landed cleanly. That sequence alone left Veronica and her entire panel stunned speechless.

They stayed that way as 'Lydia' continued her routine, to the amazement of everyone there, as she cartwheeled, flipped, jumped, and even hurdled all over the gym. Veronica tested her by throwing a pair of pom poms at 'Lydia,' who easily caught them and incorporated them into her routine without missing a beat.

She would end her routine by doing one last forward somersault while tossing her pom poms into the air. She landed on her feet, and then immediately lowered herself into a split. She then spread her arms out to either side and caught both of the airborne pom poms by the handle as they came down.

She was breathing fairly heavily upon completing her performance, but she kept her composure as the other girls cheered and applauded loudly for her stunning routine. As for Veronica and her cronies, well... they couldn't believe what they had just seen.

"So..." Vanessa asked with a smile as she got to her feet, "did I make the squad?"

Veronica stood up to render her verdict.

"This is just day one, slick! Having moves is one thing, but it takes more than that to get onto MY squad!"

Veronica then threw a small red token at Vanessa, who caught it with her left hand. Her posse got to their feet and started heading for the exit.

"Tomorrow, we'll **REALLY** see what you're made of."

Veronica then followed her girls out.

* * *

"I expected nothing less from you, Doofy! You killed it!"

Carly was complimenting Vanessa as the two exited the gym building, about half an hour later, each holding a blue duffel bag.

"Shhh!" Vanessa shushed her. "We're undercover, remember?"

"Oh, right. You killed it, Lydia!"

"Thanks, Candy! You weren't bad yourself."

"Ooh, really? Well... I was pretty special out there..."

"Yeah, you were. But still..."

Vanessa stopped walking as she became lost in thought. Carly came to a halt right next to her.

"I don't intend to be around here long enough to let those witches turn me into one of them! The sooner we finish this mission, the better!"

Vanessa would get a break, literally, as the sound of glass shattering rang out in the air, immediately followed by screams of mortal terror. Vanessa and Carly looked up and saw someone falling from out of a window on the top floor of a ten-story apartment building right across the plaza.

"**HELP MEEEEEEEEE!**" he yelled.

**To be continued...**

**Author's Notes:**  
Nothing much to say this week... but you have to admit, it's hard seeing Vanessa as a cheerleader. Then again, you could say the same about her willingly wearing the apricot-colored spy outfit, though she's fixing to get that replace something more her... style.

Back in a week for the next chapter, folks!


	4. Two Meddling Girls

"**HELP MEEEEEEEEE!**"

A balding man in his 40s was falling from the top floor of a ten-story apartment building, and it would only be a matter of moments before he reached the ground. Vanessa unzipped her duffel bag and reached inside to grab something, but Carly was one step ahead of her. The blonde clicked the heels of her pink boots once, and suddenly she rocketed into the air with help of the small jets built into their underside.

Carly flew in the direction of the falling man, reaching him in just a couple of seconds. She reached up and grabbed him by the arm, then started pulling him upwards, using her jet boots to slow their descent. She had gotten to him just in time, allowing them to slow down more than enough that the gentleman was able to softly place his feet down on the ground.

"There you go!" Carly exclaimed as she touched down. "All safe and sound!"

"Oh, thank you!" he said in response. "I thought I was done for!"

Vanessa hustled over, a little surprised at Carly's heroic act.

"Unbelievable!" remarked Vanessa.

"It was nothin'," Carly said with a smile. "Just livin' by the Fireside Girls motto! Be prepared!"

Vanessa wanted to correct her, but she was still stunned over Carly's ability to have thought ahead to wear one of their spy gadgets.

_("Even people like Carly can surprise you sometimes. Maybe she can pull off being a spy after all.")_

"It's all in a day's work for a secret agent!" Carly loudly declared.

"Say wha?" the man looked at them.

"Nothing," Vanessa quickly covered, putting her hand over Carly's mouth.

_("Then again...")_

* * *

**Doofy and Doofus**  
**Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

More college antics this week by two high-school students who also happen to be spies! And now, attempted murder in their investigation into embezzlement allegations! Zounds!

**Disclaimer:** The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

**-**  
**Chapter Four - Two Meddling Girls (10.21.10)**  
**-**

A few minutes later, the campus police were on the scene. As they did their job, Vanessa and Carly were off to the side, trying to figure out if the incident had anything to do with their investigation.

"So," Vanessa began, "apparently this is a combination faculty-student housing building. In addition, the bottom two floors also house the athletic department offices, including spaces and cubicles for most of the university's football and men's basketball coaching staffs. The guy you saved..."

"Is the head coach of the men's basketball team!" Carly completed her sentence.

"How... how did you know that?"

"He gave me his card."

Carly showed Vanessa the coach's business card.

"His name's Bobby Ray Jenkins, huh?"

"Yep! A man with Southern roots, that much is certain! But... why did he jump out the window? It seems as if he fits in well around here."

"He didn't jump. At least, not of his own free will. He was helped."

"Someone forced him?"

"Precisely!"

* * *

A few minutes later, the duo had gotten up to the top floor and walked into the coach's apartment. Upon entering, they could easily see the window... or what was left of it... that Coach Jenkins had fallen out of.

"Search for clues," Vanessa ordered Carly. "And be quick! If the police realize we're up here, they could accuse us of tampering a crime scene."

"Gosh! I'm definitely not letting that happen! I don't want to go back to jail!"

The two began going through the room, with Vanessa staying close to the room with the broken window and Carly heading for the bedroom. Vanessa knelt down near the window and saw some of the shattered fragments of glass there. She reached into her bag and pulled out a pair of tweezers and a small plastic container, which she used to gather some of the pieces up.

"Um..." Vanessa suddenly heard Carly's voice from the other room, "I think you're gonna wanna see this!"

Vanessa got up and made her way to the bedroom. Upon arrival, she saw the light on in the connecting bathroom.

"Carly?"

No answer.

"Carly?"

Again, no answer. Vanessa hastily ran over to the bathroom and peered inside, fearing something had happened to her partner. But it turned out that Carly was okay, and was currently looking into an empty shower as she stood by the stained glass door leading into it.

"Gee, don't scare me like that!" Vanessa scolded her partner. "I thought something had happened to you!"

"Vanessa," Carly turned to face her, "There's b-b-b-b-blood on the wall!"

Carly stepped aside to let Vanessa look into the shower. The words 'I know what you did last summer' had been written on the wall, though they were barely legible, as the red substance had started to run and glob the letters together. The one thing Vanessa knew for sure...

"That's not blood."

Vanessa put her duffel bag down on the sink counter and pulled out a rubber glove, which she put on her left hand. Carly watched as Vanessa reached in and applied a fingertip to one of the small runoff drips. She then brought it up to eye level to examine it more closely.

"Kinda looks like... food coloring."

"You sure?"

"Positive. Besides, if it really was blood, then we'd have to figure out who it belonged to. Was Coach Jenkins bleeding at all when you caught him?"

"No," Carly shook her head. "I don't think he was."

"Exactly! Besides, if whomever did this used the coach's blood, I'm pretty sure that scene would've been a lot uglier. Whomever did this was looking for a cleaner crime scene, a way to off the coach while leaving behind as little evidence as possible."

Vanessa removed the glove from her hand, threw it back into her bag, and pulled out a small disposable camera. She used that to take a picture of the deteriorating words on the shower wall.

"What does this guy mean by 'I know what you did last summer'?"

"First off, our perp has a taste for lame horror movie film titles. And second... apparently, Coach Jenkins has a secret. And we're gonna have to find out what it is."

* * *

The girls left the crime scene and made their way to the university library to do some research. Vanessa was in the microfiche section, searching through archived editions of the local newspaper. Carly was sitting next to her.

"If it's a secret," Carly asked, "why would it be in an old newspaper?"

"Well, if my hunch is right... a-ha!"

Vanessa came across a paper from nearly two years ago. She pointed out the headline to Carly, who read it aloud.

"'Coach Jenkins on Probation for Embezzlement Charges.' Him?"

"It says," Vanessa continued on, "that a four-month long investigation place him at the head of an embezzlement ring within the university's athletic department responsible for funneling thousands and thousands of dollars into its members' own pockets!"

"So **THAT'S** the secret?"

"Maybe, but it continues on to say that Coach Jenkins vehemently denied the accusations. Regardless, he was placed on probation by the school's athletic director, Miles Bradley, given a severe pay cut, and placed on a year-long probation. He also was disallowed contact with his basketball team for two whole weeks."

"Wow!"

"Not that it mattered..."

Vanessa flipped to another archived paper she had found earlier and saved for examination. The headline read 'Volunteers heading to the Grand Dance.'

"The men's basketball team went on that year to win the conference tournament title, and were invited to the national tournament. Almost immediately after..."

A flip to yet another paper had the headline 'Coach Jenkins Cleared of Embezzlement Charges.'

"They forgave him?"

"Actually," Vanessa told Carly, "it says that the evidence they had originally levied against him was, at best, circumstantial. The court that tried the case found him not guilty of all charges because of that."

"So he got off scot-free? I'm sure the school was glad about that."

"Yeah. The university apologized for pointing the finger for him, and he was compensated for all the trouble he was put through."

"Hmmm..." Carly thought out loud. "Isn't that that thing..."

"Uh huh. Many claimed it to be a cover-up. That the school didn't fight the verdict because the prolonged time the issue was in the national spotlight was doing long-term damage to the school's image. Not to mention negatively affecting recruiting. They didn't want it to drag on any longer. Not to mention, Coach Jenkins continued to admit he wasn't a part of the embezzlement ring to begin with."

"I'm not sure if I believe him."

"Me neither. But somebody obviously wasn't happy with that verdict, given he or she just made an attempt on Coach Jenkins' life! I think it's time we have a talk with him."

Vanessa got up out of her seat and made a beeline for the exit. Carly followed, though she didn't seem happy about.

"But, Doofy!" she whined. "I'm so tired after practice! Can't we do this tomorrow?"

* * *

"I'll tell you what I told everyone else... I never took any money from this school! Ever!"

Coach Jenkins was standing in the doorway leading into his office, being questioned by Vanessa and Carly. Well, Vanessa, anyway... Carly was lazily looking up and down the hallway.

"But what about the cover-up? How do you explain that?"

"That was a PR move by the school! They were covering their tails because they **KNEW** they were wrong and they were getting slammed by the sports reporters of the world about it!"

"But apparently the person who tried to kill you..."

"Is misinformed! I was never involved in any embezzlement scheme, and that's the truth! If the 'thing last summer' is what he's using as a motive, then he's highly mistaken!"

"So then... who **IS** part of the embezzlement ring?"

The coach shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't know, and don't care. And, say... aren't the two of you a little young to be collegiate reporters?"

"No," Vanessa vehemently denied, trying to keep their cover intact. "No, we aren't."

"Whatever. All I know is that whomever really is in charge of this embezzlement ring needs to go! We don't need skunks like that in our proud athletic department!"

With that, he slammed the door into his office shut.

"Well, that was rude!"

"Now what?" Carly asked, having come out of her 'daze.'

"We contact Jimmy," replied Vanessa. "Maybe he'll know what to do. So... how do we do that?"

Suddenly, the two girls heard a chime ringing from nearby. The next thing they knew, Jimmy's face was staring back at them... from inside the water cooler.

"Cool!" squealed Carly. "How you do it?"

"A spy never reveals his secrets," their boss answered. "Anyway, what can I do for you ladies?"

"Not sure..." admitted Vanessa. "Someone just tried to off someone with a connection to our case, but he's adamant about the fact he wasn't involved at all."

"And now we're confused about what to do next," added Carly.

"Well, you could start by trying to figure out who would have it in for your murder victim..."

As Jimmy fired off suggestions to the girls, they failed to notice someone watching them, peering out from one of the other nearby offices.

* * *

An hour or so later, Vanessa and Carly had made their way to the offices of Volunteer Union, the university's student-run paper, and the one who had printed all of the articles they had found on Coach Jenkins and his 'involvement' in their case. But upon arriving, they found someone familiar working there...

"You?" Vanessa pointed at her. "What are **YOU** doing here?"

They were standing in the office of the paper's editor-in-chief, which just happened to be Veronica, now dressed more tastefully with a short sleeve yellow shirt with a honey bee sitting on a throne around the chest area on it and a knee-length gray skirt, though the latter wasn't visible as she sat behind her desk.

_("Talk about irony! Captain of the university's cheerleading squad **AND** the editor-in-chief of the school newspaper? This girl gets around!")_

"Me?" Veronica pointed at herself. "I work here! And shouldn't you two be resting up for tomorrow? Particularly you, goth girl!"

"We want to talk to someone," Carly said, pulling out a sticky note she had in her pocket with the person's name on it. "Nancy Spangler."

"Nancy 'The Nose' Spangler? Ha ha!"

"What's so funny?" Vanessa growled.

"Easy there, kitty!" Veronica shook a finger at her. "Me and 'The Nose' were good friends. Well, as good as friends as a cheerleader and a non-cheerleader could be. She was the editor-in-chief here before I replaced her a few months ago."

"Replaced? What did you do with her?"

"Nothing! She graduated, moved onto the real world. Teaches fourth graders in one of the Carolinas. North, south, east... I don't remember which. Why?"

"We're looking into the embezzlement story that she wrote two years ago," Carly got to the point. "Y'know, the one revolving around the..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about!" Veronica stopped her. "Look, Nancy wasn't called 'The Nose' just because she had a big nose. Well, she did actually have a big nose, but that's not the point. She always dug deep to get the truth. The whole truth. If anyone ever lied to her for a story, she'd keep digging until she found the truth."

"So you're telling us everything in her stories is 100 percent factual?" questioned Vanessa.

"Absolutely. In fact, the more intricate the lie someone tried to pass off to her, the harder she'd work to disprove it. That's just the kind of person she was."

Vanessa and Carly looked at each other.

"So that means she found a way to prove Coach Jenkins really had no involvement in the embezzling," Vanessa said to her partner.

"Do you think she knows who **IS** involved?" Carly asked aloud.

"Hold on..." Veronica suddenly interjected.

The two turned to look at the editor-in-chief, who had come to a sudden realization. One she wasn't happy with.

"Why do you have such an interest in that story? Huh?"

The girls racked their brains for an answer.

"We're..." Vanessa made up on the spot, "...doing it for research? Yeah, that's it! For a class! On... on..."

"Ethics," jumped in Carly. "You know, finding something wrong and explaining why it's wrong and writing a paper about it. Ethics!"

"Ethics?" Veronica raised an eyebrow, not totally convinced.

"Ethics!" the two girls nodded in agreement.

Veronica got up from her desk and moved to open the door.

"I've got a lot of work to do," she said to them, "so I think it's time you go."

"But..." Carly began to object, before being shushed by Vanessa.

"Fine."

Vanessa got up, pulled Carly out of her seat, and the two of them walked out of Veronica's office, with the editor-in-chief staring at their backs as they headed for the exit.

* * *

"Why did you let her kick us out?" Carly asked once they were outside.

"Because I'm pretty sure she was starting to see through our cover," Vanessa answered.

"You... you don't think..."

"That she's in on the scheme? It's a possibility. But let's not jump to conclusions just yet."

"So... now what?"

"We get in touch with 'The Nose.'"

"But we never got around to asking her how to reach her!"

"We don't have to."

Vanessa stopped and turned to face Carly. She then reached into her jacket and pulled out an orange PDA.

"We can find out ourselves," Vanessa said with a smirk.

She went to work looking through the address book, searching for their target's contact information.

"Is that..." Carly gasped, "No! Doofy, that's stealing!"

"Relax, Barbie! She'll get it back. Eventually."

Vanessa walked as she typed, as Carly scratched her head in confusion.

"Who's Barbie?"

"Got it!" Vanessa shouted. "Let's go!"

* * *

The girls found a quiet area, away from the busier parts of campus, and set up a spot to work.

_("I had Carly keep a look out, just in case Veronica found out that I had swiped her PDA sooner than later. I then went to work talking to Nancy.")_

"I'm sorry," stated the voice of a female operator, "but that number is currently not in service. Please check the number you have dialed and..."

Vanessa hung up.

"That's weird... if they are such close friends, why doesn't Veronica have a number that no longer works?"

She then looked over at Carly.

"Carly!"

"Huh?"

"We've hit another dead end. Seems Veronica isn't as close to 'The Nose' as I thought. Either that, or..."

Carly gasped. "She's part of the embezzlement ring!"

"Again... jumping to conclusions! Ugh. Now what?"

"We return that thing you stole before you get in trouble?"

"Not quite. I think it's time we have a word with the athletic director himself."

Suddenly, an unknown figure in a dark purple robe riding a bicycle came through the area. As he did, he tossed a brick at Vanessa's head. But Carly saw it coming, and dived on top of her partner just in the nick of time. The cyclist rode off without even looking back to see if he had hit his mark or not.

"I think that guy just tried to give you an ugly makeover, Doofy!" shouted Carly as she got to her feet.

"Makeover, nothing!" exclaimed Vanessa as she pushed herself up to a kneeling position. "He just tried to hurt me!"

"But who would do such a thing?"

Vanessa thought for a second, then came up with an answer as she finally stood up.

"Someone who knows what we're doing here and believes we're getting too close to uncovering the truth!"

Carly went over to the brick that had been flung at Vanessa, and noticed something out of the ordinary on it.

"Doofy! I think there's a note tied to it!"

As Vanessa came over, Carly undid the small piece of twine holding the note to the brick, and unrolled it to read the message aloud.

"'Grand Marshall Stadium, 9 pm tonight. South end zone field entrance.'"

"The athletic director's gonna have to wait," Vanessa decided. "This message could be the breakthrough we've been waiting for!"

* * *

That night, under cover of darkness, Vanessa and Carly, dressed in their brightly-colored spy uniforms, arrived at one of the outer gates leading into the football stadium. It happened to be unlocked, allowing them to enter without delay. They ran through the corridor that lied underneath the stadium's lower ring of seats, all the way around until Carly pointed out a sign denoting the entrance to the field itself.

Both girls came to a stop, and so did the accompanying sound of their boot heels click-clacking on the concrete floor. Vanessa carefully peered around the corner, followed by Carly. It was then that they could see into the field opening, and that they saw somebody waiting for them near the field goal post on their end of the field.

Vanessa started walking towards the figure, slowly but surely, and Carly cautiously followed behind her at a small distance. They made their way into the light and onto the open-air field, and approached the figure, who was wearing a beige top hat and a trench coat, in order to cloak his or her body shape.

"Are you the one who called us here?" Vanessa asked.

"Yes," the cloaked figure replied, but with a crackled voice.

The person looked left, then right, then left again.

"So why'd you throw a brick at us?" Carly questioned, miffed.

"Because someone's following me... and I had to make sure I wasn't putting your lives in danger."

"Danger?" questioned Vanessa. "What... danger?"

"Stanley Ono."

The two girls looked at their 'informant,' then each other.

"Find Stanley Ono, and all the answers will come to you."

"Stanley Ono," Carly repeated, trying to commit the name to memory. "Who's he?"

The figure responded by pushing his or her way through Vanessa and Carly, and disappearing into the darkness underneath the stadium seats.

"Hey! You didn't answer my question!"

"Never mind him," Vanessa said to her. "We'd better find out who this Stanley Ono is. And fast!"

**To be continued...**


	5. Jetting to a Dead End

_("So, apparently, now I'm a spy working for a secret organization. Go figure. And I'm working with my partner, a blonde-haired girl named Carly that doesn't exactly have all her ducks in a row, if you know what I mean. Together, we're currently wandering around the campus of Eastern Tennessee University in Knoxville, trying to uncover the root of an embezzlement scheme in their athletic department._

_"We know Bobby Ray Jenkins, the head coach of the men's basketball, is not directly involved, but still has a connection. One which I'm not too entirely sure of, but one strong enough that someone apparently wanted him dead. He was originally suspected to be the ringleader of the operation, and the reporter who happened to discover that, and whom later reported the lead as false, is actually a friend of Veronica. Veronica's the 'all that' captain of the university cheerleading squad, and is also the editor-in-chief of the school-run newspaper. A position the reporter we're searching for formerly held._

_"But it turns out she wasn't as helpful as we thought she'd be. Could she be part of the embezzlement ring? We must be getting close as someone has risked his life by giving us a key piece of information._

_"Find Stanley Ono. Find him, and all the answers will fall into place.")_

It was early the next morning, and Carly, dressed in nothing but a white sports bra and orange shorts, was wandering through the library. But given the time of day, it was practically empty. Which made it a bit eerie as Carly made her way through the stacks, the fluorescent ceiling lights and small bit of post-sunrise sunshine peering through a few nearby windows.

"Doofy!" she called out, in a hushed voice. "Doofy!"

She wandered about, making her way from one section to another. But just as she was about to give up, she heard a moan coming from nearby.

"Doofy?"

She peeked around the corner and saw a brunette pull her head out of a pile of books and newspapers on top of a table. It was Vanessa.

"Doofy!" Carly shouted. "There you are!"

Vanessa glared annoyingly at Carly, her hair disheveled and out of place, as her partner came running up to her.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that? Oh, and we're undercover!"

"Sorry," Carly quickly apologized, "but... what happened to you? Did **THEY** get to you?"

"They? Who is... ugh, never mind!"

Vanessa reached into the unsightly pile and pulled out a few papers, seemingly at random, but with intended purpose.

"I spent all night here trying to look up information on this Stanley Ono character! I must've fallen asleep... but I found out some pretty intriguing..."

"Tell me later!" exclaimed Carly as she pulled Vanessa to her feet and then out towards the exit.

"But..."

"We're gonna be late for Day Two of cheerleading tryouts! You said we have to maintain our cover, right?"

"Can we not and say we did?"

But Carly wouldn't have any of it, as she dragged Vanessa out of the building.

* * *

**Doofy and Doofus**  
**Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

We've reached the penultimate chapter. Hang on to your seats, because a lot happens this week. Enjoy the start of the revelations!

Oh... and the fanservice.

**Disclaimer:** The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

**-**  
**Chapter Five - Jetting to a Dead End (10.29.10)**  
**-**

The girls made it to the gym just in the nick of time, even allowing Vanessa a couple of minutes to change into a black T-shirt and matching shorts. Good thing, too, because Veronica and the other veterans of the squad were turning things up a notch on day two of tryouts.

"I hope you girls came ready to work your tail-feathers off!" Veronica told the group of day one survivors, which numbered an even dozen.

One of the other upperclassmen, a short, raven-haired girl, started things off by showing off a 30-second routine that was anything but simple. It included a few gymnastics moves and a bit of booty-shaking. Basically, a high-energy acrobatic display.

"Now," Veronica looked at the group immediately after her friend had finished. "Welcome to the big leagues!"

And so began a day of the remaining wannabes, including Vanessa and Carly, watching, learning, and having to duplicate routines demonstrated by the team veterans. But each new set of moves proved to be more difficult than the last, and the girls were starting to get exhausted. Even by the time Veronica was about to give them the most complicated sequence of all, Vanessa and Carly were starting to make mistakes... even on the simpler parts of the routine. Their aching muscles were clearly not cooperating.

But Veronica continued to press the group, even as a few of the girls had to drop out, all on the brink of fainting from exhaustion. Seeing bodies fall from the ranks left and right, Vanessa was starting to get fed up as Veronica and her posse yelled at those still standing to keep up. But the second she saw yet another girl fall over, halting another attempt at duplicating Veronica's very hard routine, Vanessa decided she had had enough.

"That's it!" she shouted.

Veronica turned around and saw Vanessa make her way over to her. The rest of the captain's posse, seeing the unfolding confrontation, made their way over.

"How about a break? Can't you see we're all pushing ourselves to the brink here?"

"What's wrong?" the Japanese girl growled at her. "Can't handle it?"

"We don't need a Negative Nancy like you around here," the ginger-haired girl said, as she snapped her fingers. "Why don't you just bounce, weakling?"

Vanessa was ready to fire back a sharp-tongued retort, but despite her own tiredness and surge of raw emotions flowing through her, she somehow managed to keep cool.

She simply walked away, sliding out of the mob surrounding her and heading for the locker room. Carly was about to run after her, but one of the other wannabes stopped her, and shook her head in a 'don't blow your chance too' motion.

"Figures tall, dark, and moody couldn't handle it," the redhead smirked.

"Forget her," one of the other posse members said aloud. "Let's get back to it, ladies! Your chances of making the squad just improved!"

As everyone got back into possession and Vanessa walked past the double doors leading out of the gym, nobody seemed to notice Veronica refusing to look away from the booted wannabe.

* * *

A few minutes later in the locker room, Vanessa emerged from the showers, with one towel perfectly fitted around her dripping wet body and another wrapped around her hair. She made her way to the locker where she had stowed her stuff away, and got an unpleasant surprise.

The two girls that had hounded her in the gym, the redhead and the Japanese girl, had taken her belongings out and put them on the bench. The black-haired one had a hold of one of Vanessa's boots and was fiddling with the heel, trying to break it off. As for the ginger, she was rifling through Vanessa's duffel bag, occasionally tossing an article of clothing on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Vanessa asked, as she stormed over.

The Asian girl stepped in front of her, dangling Vanessa's boot by the heel.

"I wouldn't take another step," she threatened. "That is, unless you want something to happen to your precious boots... Lydia!"

"Hold on, Tomo," the redhead cut in.

Vanessa was ready to force her away past Tomo, but she was stopped in her tracks when she saw the red-haired girl had found something that was going to blow her cover.

Her driver's license.

"If we're gonna teach goth girl here a lesson, shouldn't we give her some measure of respect. Like, I dunno... calling her by her real name?"

Vanessa was helpless as the girl flicked at the driver's license and then held it up to the ceiling lights, both tests to ensure it was authentic. Satisfied, she then began to actually read the information on it.

"Heh, no wonder you changed your name... Vanessa."

Vanessa tried to charge past Tomo, but she instinctively tossed the boot aside and made a grab for her towel. That made Vanessa freeze up again, and she reached down to make sure her identity wasn't the only thing that was going to be exposed.

"With a last name like... like... like..."

The redhead squinted, as she tried to sound it out in her head.

"What is that? German?"

"No wonder she's so dark and brooding," commented Tomo. "She's eurotrash!"

Tomo's compatriot then gasped when she found something even more shocking than Vanessa's seemingly unpronounceable last name.

"No... way!"

"What? What is it, Rachael?"

"She... **SHE'S SIXTEEN!**"

Tomo gasped, in the process releasing her grip on Vanessa's towel. Vanessa then reached over and snatched her ID back from Rachael, then went about securing her towel to make sure it would stay on her body.

"So the brat really is a brat!" Tomo smirked. "A baby brat!"

"Oh, this is rich!" Rachael snickered. "Oh, we're gonna have fun with this one!"

"No!" Vanessa spoke up. "You can't tell anyone about this!"

Rachael and Tomo looked at each other, and suddenly the two of them got a great idea.

"Well..." Rachael eyed Vanessa up and down, "there is one way we could be convinced to keep quiet..."

The two girls advanced on Vanessa, and in that small aisle, she didn't have much room to use to mount an escape with.

_("I was about to get hazed in the most demeaning way possible, and I suddenly regretted even allowing myself to get into this situation by deciding to become a spy in the first place.")_

Then, out of the blue, somebody burst into the locker room.

_("Salvation?")_

The trio turned to see who had walked in. It was Veronica.

_("Crud.")_

"What's going on in here?" Veronica asked, demanding an answer.

Rachael chuckled as she was about to answer, but...

"Never mind!" the head cheerleader quickly decided not to hear it. "I don't want to hear it! Rae? Tomo? Out!"

She pointed for the door, and the two upperclassmen quickly complied. Tomo nudged her right shoulder into Vanessa's left for good measure as she got past her.

"You two know I don't approve of hazing!" Veronica told them as they got next to her. "I heard everything!"

"You did?" Rachael looked at her.

"If I hear ANY of that outside this locker room, you're BOTH off the squad! Understood?"

The two of them nodded. Veronica then looked directly at Rachael.

"Finish up outside... and give me ten minutes before you send anyone back here."

"Yes, Captain!"

With that, Veronica finally allowed Rachael and Tomo to leave. Seeing the two aggressors exit, Vanessa started to pick her belongings up off of the floor. She did so even as Veronica walked over, ignoring the squad captain's footsteps as they got closer, and eventually came to a stop in front of her.

Veronica didn't speak, deciding to let Vanessa to say the first words. Which she did once all of her stuff other than her boots was back in her bag, and Vanessa examined those to make sure they weren't damaged in any way.

"If you're expecting me to thank you..." Vanessa said without looking up.

"I'm not," Veronica quickly answered.

Veronica took a seat on the bench next to Vanessa.

"First the interrogation-like questioning in my office at the Volunteer Union yesterday, and this... you're not really here to try out for the squad, are you?"

Vanessa reached up and unwrapped the towel around her hair. She went to work drying it manually, tossing her brown locks every which way.

"Fine," Veronica said, realizing Vanessa wasn't going to give any more answers beyond what she had already overheard. "I don't know what a pair of 16-year olds are doing here, trying to make **MY** squad..."

Vanessa finally looked up, as she realized that Veronica had just blown the lid off of Carly's cover as well.

"But you and Candy, or whatever your friend's real name is... I want the two of you out of here! If I see either of you again, I'll report you for the police for trespassing and theft! Understand?"

Vanessa didn't know what Veronica meant by the theft accusation, until the latter reached into the former's bag and pulled out her PDA. Seeing that, Vanessa nodded silently, accepting of Veronica's terms. The squad leader then stood up, and took a couple steps towards the exit. But then she stopped to add a few last words...

"A shame... you two definitely would've made the squad. Especially you, 'Lydia.' Those moves... remind me of myself the day I tried out."

With those final words, Veronica walked out of the locker room.

_("I can't believe she called them off like that! Maybe... maybe she's not such a bad person after all!")_

* * *

Half an hour later, Vanessa and Carly, dressed in their spy uniforms, were on board a private plane, flying from Knoxville to Charlottesville, Virginia. The two girls were getting a briefing in-person from Jimmy.

"Oh!" Carly cried. "We were a shoo-in to make the squad!"

"We weren't trying to get on the squad for real," Vanessa reminded her. "It was just a cover."

"But I loved posing as a college cheerleader! Besides..."

A dreamily look formed on her face...

"They introduced us to the guys on the squad, and one of them, Derrick? Mmmm... abs so hot you could fry an egg on 'em..."

Jimmy coughed, bringing Carly back down to Earth.

"While it is sad that you won't be shaking your pom-poms in front of 100,000 screaming fans every week, we must move on to more important matters. Vanessa?"

"Right," she nodded. "Stanley Ono."

"Oh!" Carly recalled. "The guy that mystery man told us about last night!"

"Yeah. He's an alumni of Eastern Tennessee State University. A generous booster, in fact."

"Too generous," Jimmy jumped in. "In fact, he was accused of and found guilty of paying players on the football and men's basketball teams five years ago. One of several guilty parties, actually."

"My question is..." Vanessa thought aloud, "why does this guy stick out more than the others? What makes him so attractive?"

"Ooh," Carly smirked as she leaned forward and put her hands on Vanessa's shoulders. "So Vanessa's into older men, eh?"

"Don't start with me..." Vanessa replied with a grumble.

"What Vanessa was hinting at," Jimmy explained, "was that this guy is important because **HE** was accused of being the ringleader of the embezzlement scheme currently rocking ETSU."

"Just like Coach Jenkins!" Vanessa put the pieces together. "Lemme guess... proven to be false, **AND** someone made an attempt on his life?"

"Yes, and yes! In fact, it was a hit-and-run. He's currently recovering from his injuries at Jefferson Memorial Hospital."

"So you want us to go there and ask him a few questions?"

"Actually, given whomever's responsible for these attempted murders could strike again before we catch them, I'm going to instead have you search his house for clues."

Vanessa rolled her eyes.

"Great. Now we're adding breaking and entering to our rap sheet."

"Golly," gasped Carly. "I didn't know entering anything was a crime!"

Vanessa glared at her partner, in disbelief over her stupidity.

"One last thing," Jimmy said with a smile before taking two steps backwards. "Your seats double as a life-saving parachute."

"What is that supposed to... **MEAAAAAAAAAAAAN?**"

The floor opened up underneath Vanessa and Carly's seats, and the two plummeted out of the bottom of the plane. As he saw the girls scream in fear for their lives, Jimmy chuckled to himself.

"Now I know why my cousin Lewis enjoyed his job so much..."

* * *

Another 20 minutes later, Vanessa and Carly were inside the house of Stanley Ono, having managed to get in without attracting attention. They also considered themselves lucky that no one was home. To their surprise, though, the house hadn't been deemed off-limits by the cops, seeing as there was no yellow police tape surrounding the property. They didn't worry about that now, as they split up and began their search.

Vanessa was searching through drawers in the master bedroom, using white gloves to do so without leaving behind fingerprints. As she heard Carly rustling assorted papers in the next room over, which happened to be Mr. Ono's in-house office, Vanessa decided to make a trip to the bathroom.

And then...

"**CARLY!**"

Footsteps could be heard hastily approaching a split second later. The blonde joined the brunette in the restroom, and she gasped in shock.

"I guess there's no doubt these two incidents are connected!"

Vanessa proved her point by pointing to the wall of the bath tub. Again, the words 'I know what you did last summer' were written there, in red food coloring.

"That's not the only thing," Carly said, holding up a piece of paper she had brought with her to the bathroom.

Carly handed it to Vanessa and read it over.

"Carly... are there any other documents like this?"

* * *

Carly led Vanessa to the office, where she had separated a stack of papers and put them on top of the computer monitor on Mr. Ono's desk. She handed them to her, and as Vanessa went through them...

"That's not all, Doofy!"

Carly took a seat at the desk and started typing away at the keyboard. Vanessa walked over to see what she was doing, and was shocked when her partner pulled up a record of recent bank account transactions.

"Carly! How... how..."

Vanessa struggled to find words to say, befuddled by the sudden burst of intelligence that her partner had suddenly shown she had.

"How did you find all of this so fast? We've only been here five minutes at the most!"

Carly laughed.

"Well, it's not hard when it's the first thing on the guy's list of recent documents."

She pointed to the screen, which was showing the transaction list in an open word processor program.

"This proves he's part of the embezzlement scheme," Vanessa concluded. "But... I can't tell if this means he's just a pawn, or the one pulling all the strings."

"Ooh!" Carly suddenly shouted. "Maybe **SHE** knows!"

"She?" Vanessa asked quizzically.

Carly pointed to the screen, and Vanessa gasped upon seeing a name that was familiar to her.

"We'd better get in touch with Jimmy. We're taking another jet trip!"

* * *

A short jet and cab ride later, Vanessa and Carly found themselves in the small beach getaway of Nags Head, North Carolina. But, more specifically, they were standing at the gates of the address of the person they had identified as familiar on Mr. Ono's transaction list.

The problem? Those gates were surrounding a cemetery.

"This can't be right," Vanessa shook her head.

She was about to reach into her pocket to pull out the paper with the address on it again, but Carly stopped her. Because she was shivering in fright, and she had decided to cling to Vanessa's right arm with an iron grip.

"I'm scared!" she cried.

"You're afraid of cemeteries?"

"Uh huh," Carly nodded. "Ever since one of my exes, John B, thought it would be fun to bury me alive in one..."

"I'm gonna stop you right there," Vanessa held up her free hand. "You're starting to creep **ME** out."

The duo then walked past the gates and onto the cemetery grounds, with Carly still gripping Vanessa's arm tightly.

"What's with all of the bad boyfriend stories, anyway?"

"Dunno," Carly shrugged. "Guys like me at first, but for some reason, I turn them off. I can't figure out why..."

* * *

They wandered around the graveyard for a few minutes, kind of knowing what they were looking for but hoping they wouldn't find it. Sadly, that wouldn't be the case...

"'Here lies Nancy D. Spangler,'" Vanessa read the tombstone aloud as she knelt in front of it. "'Born September 10, 1986. Died August 7, 2010.'"

"That..." Carly noted next to her, "that was less than two weeks ago!"

Vanessa felt the ground in front of the grave.

"Feels fresh. They must've just buried her days ago."

"How do you know? Are you an expert on dirt?"

"No. You said she died less than two weeks ago. Given the turnaround and notifying her relatives... I say her funeral had to have been no earlier than last weekend."

As the two tried to think of what to do now, they didn't notice someone approaching them from behind, holding a loaded shotgun.

"Great," Carly deduced, "Stanley Ono is sending money to Nancy Spangler in the afterlife! I didn't know ghosts could receive cash."

Carly gasped.

"Unless..."

"No!" Vanessa cut her off. "She's not a zombie that comes back to life at night."

Vanessa then heard a weapon being cocked behind her. She turned around and saw someone in a reaper-like cloak pointing a shotgun at them from 15 feet away.

"Then again..."

**To be concluded...**

**Author's Notes:**  
So now things are rolling... our girls are getting close, but will they live long enough to uncover the truth? You'll have to come back next week for the thrilling conclusion!

And... please tell me someone's noticed by now who Jimmy and his organization are parodying...


	6. The Successful Bust

Vanessa was frozen in fear as the person in the reaper-like cloak marched towards her and Carly, with a loaded shotgun pointed at them. Carly had her back turned, still looking at the gravestone, and wasn't exactly cognizant of what was transpiring behind her.

"Um... Carly?"

"What is it?" Carly asked, looking up.

Vanessa grabbed her partner by the shoulders and turned around. Only then did she realize the imminent danger the two of them were in. Vanessa shook her head, then spoke to the gravekeeper directly.

"Mind if I ask you a serious question?"

He sighed, then turned to walk away. But not before motioning Vanessa to follow him.

"Follow me. I'll tell you anything you need to know once we get out of the grave area. You know, don't disturb the dead and all..."

_("This might be the breakthrough we've been waiting for!")

* * *

_

**Doofy and Doofus**  
**Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Gonna roll right into it...

**Disclaimer:** The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.

**-**  
**Chapter Six - The Successful Bust (11.04.10)**  
**-**

Vanessa and Carly, who had managed to pick herself up off the ground after about a minute, followed the gravekeeper to his on-site office, which was a one-room house that was part-office, part-kitchen, and part-bedroom. But it also looked like it hadn't been cleaned in awhile, given the cobwebs, dust bunnies, scattered bits of trash, and all sorts of insects wandering around.

"So, Mister... uh..."

"Grum."

"Yeah... Mister Grum. What can you tell us about Nancy Spangler?"

"Nothing."

Carly stood up and looked at Vanessa, who looked back at her. The two then turned towards Mr. Grum.

"Nothing?" they both repeated.

"Well, nothing from me, anyway. On the other hand..."

He spun around and rolled his chair over to a nearby file cabinet. He opened the lower of the two drawers and searched through it for about a minute. He eventually pulled out a labeled '2010, So-Sz' and then made his way back to the desk with it in hand. He put it down on the desk.

"This is..."

Vanessa opened the folder and started to leaf through it, as Carly looked on from over her left shoulder.

"A folder full of death certificates?"

Carly gasped. "You can get certified for dying?"

Before Vanessa could come up with a smart-aleck retort, she found Nancy Spangler's death certificate. She pulled it out, closed the folder, then held up it so she and her partner could get a better look.

"It says she died because she ate something poisonous."

"Yeah," Mr. Grum told them. "Tragic. Never met the young woman before her body was brought here... then again, everyone brought here is dead to begin with..."

Carly started to head for the door.

"Well, I guess it's time to take our search elsewhere! Let's get out of this creepy crypt!"

"Wait!" Vanessa hold her hand up. "At this rate, we'll always be one step behind in this case! We need to get one step **AHEAD**!"

Vanessa then asked Mr. Grum an out-of-the-blue question.

"Were you present at the burial ceremony?"

Mr. Grum scratched his chin, as he tried to remember.

"Oh, yes! Five days ago!"

She then added a follow-up question.

"Was anyone there wearing anything that showed that they had a connection to Eastern Tennessee State University?"

"Now that you mention it..." Mr. Grum thought aloud, "there was this one young woman. Probably a couple years older than you two. She was wearing a cheerleading uniform..."

"I knew it!" Vanessa jumped out of her seat. "Carly, I think I've solved this case!"

"We have?" Carly glanced over, confused.

Vanessa reached over to shake Mr. Grum's hand.

"Thanks very much, you've been a lot of help!"

She then raced to the door, past Carly, and opened it.

"C'mon, Carly! We're heading back to Knoxville!"

The two exited the house, with Carly shutting the door behind her.

* * *

But before returning to Knoxville, Vanessa actually had one other stop in mind in Nags Head...

Nancy's ocean-side apartment.

"I thought we were going back to Knoxville," Carly said aloud as Vanessa searched the apartment's living room. "What are we doing here in that dead woman's apartment?"

"Looking for one last piece of evidence to put it all together."

Vanessa pulled out a mini-camera and started taking pictures of the room, in what looked random but was actually calculated. One of the snapshots she took turned out to be a 8-by-10 photograph of Nancy from a couple years ago, with her posing with the ETSU cheerleading squad, including Veronica to her immediate right and Rachael to her left.

Still stumped as to what clue they could find in that apartment, Carly feigned interest as she wandered into the kitchen. There, she found something a little off. She was standing in front of the microwave, and it was in the midst of a countdown. One that was at 17 seconds... 16... 15...

As if to make sure, and dangerously tempting fate in the process, she pressed the button that opened the microwave door. It slowly swung open to reveal that the inside... was about two pounds of C-4.

Another glance at the timer. 11... 10... 9...

Carly ran for the balcony sliding door while reaching into her pocket to pull out a gadget. She pulled out a three-inch sky blue-colored round object, which she threw hard enough to somehow shatter the door and fly past the balcony railing and down to the beach below.

That got Vanessa's attention.

"Carly! What the heck?"

With no time to explain, Carly forcefully grabbed Vanessa by the arm and pulled her towards the balcony.

"**JUMP! NOW!**"

Carly hopped up onto the railing and dived forward, and Vanessa did the same, without hesitation, even as she held her camera in the other hand. The two were barely clear of the fifth-floor apartment when the C-4 bomb went off, engulfing it in a fireball of flames. Ahead of the girls, the round gadget Carly had tossed out had expanded into a fluffy three-foot tall mattress-like landing pad. Both girls landed safely on it, on their backs, as they swore they saw their lives flashing before their eyes.

"Did..." Vanessa wondered as she sat up straight, "did that just happen?"

The building's fire alarm was going off as Vanessa and Carly looked up and saw flames coming from Nancy's former apartment. They then saw lights come on throughout the rest of the building, and the sound of scared and disgruntled residents starting to make their way out.

"Wow," Vanessa glanced over at her partner, "you... you saved my life!"

"Of course!" Carly explained. "That's what partners do. We look out for each other!"

The two girls shared a hug as they continued to sit atop the tall air mattress, even as more people started filtering out of the burning building.

"Maybe..." Vanessa said as she pulled away, "we should finish this later. You know... fire behind us?"

"Oh, yeah," Carly chuckled. "A good girl's work is never done!"

* * *

After helping evacuate people from the building and waiting for the fire department to arrive to put out the fire, Vanessa and Carly finally found themselves back on JAILBAIT's private jet, bound for Knoxville.

"So... you're absolutely sure?" Carly asked in the passenger cabin.

"Positive," confirmed Vanessa. "And I know just how to catch them red-handed!"

* * *

It was just before midnight inside the building that housed the athletic department's offices. Normally, those floors would be vacant at this time of night. But it wasn't this time, as Coach Jenkins was still up, standing in his office. Propped up next to his desk was a large cardboard check 'worth' more than 10 thousand dollars, made out to the school's basketball program.

Suddenly, he leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms as far as he could. He then yawned loudly before slowly rising to a standing position.

"Oh," he noted, turning to see the check still propped up. "Nah, it's safe... I'm sure it'll be there in the morning."

He exited his office, turning off the lights and locking the door behind him. He then made his way to the elevator, turning off the lights in the hallway leading to the office area as he exited.

Once the elevator doors closed and the car was on its way up, a female figure emerged from the shadows. She leisurely strolled her way from her hiding place over to the door into Coach Jenkins' office. She picked the lock, then ran inside and made her way to the check.

"Heh heh..." she chuckled, "and they say cheerleaders are dumb..."

"Hold it right there!"

The lights suddenly switched on, and Carly was standing in the doorway, with her arms crossed over her chest. With the room illuminated, she could see that Vanessa's suspicions were right, as standing before her was... Rachael.

"You're busted!" Carly said aloud. "I'm telling... I'm telling... well, I'm gonna tell someone, and you're gonna go away a long time for this!"

Rachael then took a good look at the check, and saw it had been issued from some place called 'The Not-So-Real Bank.' Rachael growled in anger.

"A **FAKE** check?"

"Yep! All totally my partner's idea!"

"You mean Vanessa? Heh... you two bitches are harder to get rid of than we thought."

"We?" Carly scratched her head.

Rachael smiled, waiting in anticipation for something to happen... but to her surprise, it never did.

"Huh?"

The two girls then heard sounds of screaming, grunting, and someone getting pushed hard into a wall. Carly looked the down the hall, knowing whom was responsible for those noises.

It turned out that Rachael had a partner of her own, as Tomo was in the midst of a fight with Vanessa. The two were throwing a flurry of kicks and punches at each other, and they were doing well to dodge or deflect each one.

"Stand still, little girl!" Tomo yelled, going for a roundhouse kick.

Vanessa squatted down and went for a sweeping low kick.

"You did **NOT** just call me little, you short stack!" Vanessa fired back.

But Tomo was light on her feet, and hopped up just high enough on her pivot foot to avoid the sweep. Back in Coach Jenkins' office, Rachael began to panic as she heard the fighting outside and realized that Carly had trapped her.

"How..." Rachael asked. "how did you figure our scheme out?"

"Well," Carly loosened up, as she went into explanation mode, "there was a lot of stuff, like the..."

Carly didn't finish, as Rachael charged forward and elbowed Carly backwards and out of the doorway. The blonde-haired spy was knocked a few steps back, leaving Rachael enough room to get past and make a sprint for the front entrance.

Right around the corner...

"Anata no kao ni furaingu haru kikku!" Tomo exclaimed, calling out her next move in Japanese.

Tomo leaped forward, in a pseudo-praying mantis position as she did. She thought she had the upper hand as she flew towards Vanessa at a fast speed. Unfortunately, she didn't count on Vanessa responding with a counter move...

She leaned backwards, almost to the point where she was on all fours looking up at the ceiling, and she watched as Tomo's front leg passed over her, followed by the rest of the Japanese girl's body. Once she was almost completely past, Vanessa finished her lean back by turning it into a reverse hand-spring. In other words, she pushed her feet up off the ground, back towards her, and used her hands to help propel her legs into Tomo's back.

Tomo flew uncontrollably straight into a giant potted plant in the hallway. The clay pot itself shattered upon impact, and Tomo landed face-first on the carpet, the remnants of the plant and the soil feeding it spread out on and around her body.

Vanessa returned to a standing position and walked over, smiling as she brushed back her hair from over her left earlobe, where she revealed a blue-tooth earpiece with a mini-camera built in.

"Thanks for the assist!" Vanessa said aloud. "It pays to have someone skilled in translating Japanese and countering martial arts moves in the organization."

A dazed Tomo made an attempt to get up, but her body wouldn't allow it, and she fell back down, allowing Vanessa to smirk satisfactorily.

"Looks like more money for me!" Rachael shouted, running right by Vanessa before she could react.

Rachael was ecstatic as she had the front door and freedom in her grasp. But Carly appeared in front of her, out of nowhere, with a yellow hair dryer in hand. Carly fired something from it, a pink substance in ball format that launched at and hit Rachael right in the stomach. Upon contact, it popped as if it was blown-up bubble gum, which it partially was, and Rachael was knocked and stuck to the floor. Rachael tried mightily to break free, but the more she struggled, the stickier the substance got and the more resistance it put up.

After a few tries, she huffed angrily as she gave up. Carly giggled as she stood over her.

"Have you seen my gum?" Carly playfully asked. "Oh, wait... there it is! In your hair, on your arm, and on your butt!"

"Who... who are you girls?" Rachael growled, demanding an answer.

Vanessa appeared by Carly's side, and provided a response.

"Well, we could tell you... but then we'd have to kill you! And, trust me, that's a lot less prettier than the stripes you'll be wearing for the rest of your lives."

* * *

The next morning, after a good night's rest following a job well done, Vanessa checked in at JAILBAIT headquarters, where Jimmy and Carly were waiting for her.

"Ah, now that Vanessa's here, the debriefing can begin!"

Vanessa, dressed in her normal clothes, took a seat next to Carly, who had on a green strapless tank top, Capri pants, and sandals.

"Thanks to your great skills, ladies, we were able to book Rachael and her accomplice on embezzlement charges. Apparently, this had been going on since their freshman year, but they had managed to avoid suspicion by successfully pinning the blame on others. Mostly through blackmail."

"Stanley Ono was the first to find out," Vanessa explained, "He was roped in after Rachael uncovered the scandal about him personally playing athletes. To keep her quiet, Mr. Ono agreed to give them tips on taking money from the athletic department without getting caught."

"Naturally," Carly piped in, "she dumped him a couple months later by squealing about the pay-to-play scandal anyway. At the same time, Coach Jenkins got involved, albeit purely on accident upon walking in on one of Rachael's attempts in progress one late night at the office. She paid him off to keep him quiet, but that only held him quiet for a few weeks."

"When Rachael learned he was about to spoil her operation, she broke the news first and pinned all the blame on him. She had Nancy Spangler break the story, whom she knew because she was best friends with Veronica."

"But she quickly realized that was a mistake when they noted how nosy Nancy was. She actually came pretty close to uncovering the scheme herself, and Rachael was in a bind. She needed help."

"That's when she convinced Tomo to join in as an accomplice. Tomo planted some fake evidence to throw 'The Nose' off the trail. When Nancy graduated, the intrepid reporter decided to abandon the hunt, figuring on her own that they were more important things to do with her life."

"Rachael and Tomo continued their scheme almost a full two years without drawing any further suspicion to their embezzlement ring. But when the school's athletic department got serious about reopening their investigation with help from the local law enforcement..."

"They decided that needed to get rid of anyone who had even the smallest bit of knowledge about their scheme. Thus, the attempts on the lives of Coach Jenkins and Mr. Ono, and the successful one on Miss Spangler."

"Vanessa didn't pin Rachael as the head of the scheme until she saw both Nancy's death certificate and the photo of Nancy with the cheer squad at her apartment."

"It turned out that, on an unrelated note, despite never being with the cheerleading squad, Nancy played an integral role in helping Veronica get elected captain this year, instead of Rachael, who believed the position was rightfully hers. It turns out Veronica didn't join until her sophomore year... the same year she met Nancy."

"So out of jealousy, instead of killing Veronica herself, she wanted to see her suffer for the rest of her life... by killing Veronica's best friend instead. The fact that Nancy also knew about the embezzlement scheme just provided an extra reason for her to be offed."

"The strange thing in all of this," Vanessa admitted, "is that Veronica didn't know anything more about the whole thing than any other average person at the university. She only knew what Nancy had printed in the paper. It's like, in a strange way, maybe Nancy knew she would be offed for knowing too much, and was trying to protect Veronica from meeting the same fate by not telling her anything."

"Speaking of Veronica," Carly thought aloud, "she seemed pretty distraught of the whole thing. And she didn't seem too happy with us."

"She'll get over it. As tough as she was on me, she's alright. She's got a bright future ahead of her."

"Just like we do as spies, Doofy?"

Vanessa smiled. "Just like us, Carly."

The two girls happily hugged each other, friends at last.

"Glad to see you two finally bonding," Jimmy said, "which is why it pains me to say this..."

Jimmy took a deep breath, and then came right out with it...

"Vanessa... we're letting you go!"

Vanessa gasped in shock, as expected, but the bigger reaction actually came from Carly, who jumped out of her seat in protest.

"**WHAT?** But... but why? She's a much, much, **MUCH** better spy than me!"

"While that may be true," Jimmy admitted, "I cannot ignore the fact that she nearly revealed our entire operation by carelessly compromising herself in the locker room."

"That wasn't even her fault! In fact, if that hadn't happened..."

Vanessa stood up and put a hand on Carly's shoulder, and the blonde was instantly silenced.

"It's okay," Vanessa told her. "Rules are rules. Besides..."

"I know, I know! You never wanted to be a spy to begin with! But..."

Vanessa put a finger over Carly's mouth, shushing her.

"Don't worry. I'm sure with a little training, you'll make a great spy."

Vanessa then handed over her spy uniform and the few gadgets she had been given. Carly fought back tears as she wrapped her arms around Vanessa in one last hug.

"I'm... I'm gonna miss you... Vanessa!"

Vanessa hugged back, upon hearing Carly call her by her actual name for the first time.

"Me too."

After a few seconds, the two broke their hug off, and Vanessa headed for the door. Two security officers had appeared during the embrace, and they were there to escort her out of the building. Once she was gone, Jimmy tapped Carly on the shoulder, and showed her a small white envelope.

"Vanessa wanted me to give this to you after she left," Jimmy told her. "She said it's for your eyes only."

Carly took the envelope, and then Jimmy walked out of the office. She then opened the unsealed envelope and pulled out the piece of paper inside. It was a letter from Vanessa.

_(Dear Carly,_

_I'm glad to have been your partner the past 48 hours. I hope you understand that Jimmy didn't fire me. I voluntarily quit. He let me after I convinced him that you have much more potential to be a great spy than I do. You're friendly, caring of others, and, as much as it kinda pains me to admit, have a great fashion sense. I'm sure, in time, you'll work out the rough edges._

_I hope our paths cross again someday. Maybe then, we can swap good boyfriend stories. Ones that don't involve... you know. Your stuff._

_Vanessa)_

"I'd like that, Vanessa," Carly said aloud. "I'd like that."

* * *

Ten minutes later, somewhere in the streets of downtown Danville...

"So, Dad..." Vanessa said cheerily as she talked on the phone, "I believe I still owe you a father-daughter picnic."

"That's great!" she heard her father respond. "We've still got tons of potato salad! Is your new friend coming?"

"Sorry... but her family decided this town wasn't right for them. They moved away this morning," she lied.

"Oh well... more potato salad for us!"

"Dad!" Vanessa chuckled.

_("And so, that was the week I spent as a spy. Though, technically, since I signed that confidential agreement, I should be saying that was the week I **DIDN'T** spend as a spy. Yeah, that's right! Forget you even heard me telling you this! In fact... how did all of you hear my thoughts all of this time? **GET OUT OF MY HEAD!**")_

**The End**

**Author's Notes:**  
There... finished!

Whew! Nice to finally have a longer, more complete Vanessa under my belt. The good thing about being a minor character is that writers, like myself, are more free to play around with them. Something that would be harder to pull off with certain other characters, who are more set in stone... like Candace.

That being said, I'd like to say there may be a sequel/follow-up to this, which I had planned before this story started. Of course, I want to make sure there are people interested. So review or favorite the story, whatever, just let me know if you want to see another kick-butt Vanessa tale!


End file.
